The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Your descriptions are so vivid and sharp, and I love the songs and anthems - to fun and clever! Your ending seemed a touch ambiguous for a children's story, but that could just be me. I thoroughly enjoyed this!
This is so cute! I just cracked up at "electric mittens." I need a pair of those!

This is a really fun and painless way to teach a valuable lesson, and the little poems and songs are adorable.

The ending made me laugh, too.
This was such fun to read! I like the variety of writing styles you used in your story. I think kids would enjoy this story very much, as well.
This has so much to please a child's sense of wonder! Love it!
This was so very clever. I loved the Sluggard's Town Anthem. What a wonderful way to illustrate the Bible verse in Proverbs. I could see using this in a young Sunday school class, maybe having the children do pictures showing their favorite part of the story.

The only thing I would have liked to read, or maybe the teacher could explain, is that sometimes people do not learn the lesson they were intended to learn. The Sluggards seemed to get off a little easy in the end.

But, over all, a very creative telling of a wise proverb.
I LOVED it... wonderful application of the Biblical principle. I'm not sure a child would understand the grammar, though...the difference between "nothing" and "anything" but, isn't that the point? The sluggards won't change. The story is delightful, the songs are a wonderful addition... the descriptions are colourful... everything is very well done...!!
I can see this as a "Veggie-Tale" type cartoon with a catchy song. Very good!!
Yeah! Finally somebody got it!
My 7 year old thought this was very funny. I only hope she "got it" since today is chore day at our house! I loved the chants and songs. The language and descriptions were great. I could picture the characters! Great job. This is a winner.
"And when we need a little chuckle, we fold our hands and crack our knuckles." My favorite line of lots of delightful rhymes. This was a great story with a perfect message for little lazy folk. I wish I'd had it to read to my children when they were little.
I loved this. Such a good moral told in a delightful manner. I liked the little english learning tool(more than anything!)
Well done. This was original and had an very good message.
This was a joy to read, and I found myself laughing out loud more than once. There's also a very good lesson here, and you told it without being preachy. This is a gem.
What a great telling of these verses. Wonderful job!

That is my first reaction! I certainly hope this does well, you had me laughing all the way through. I loved the comparisons and especially the A+ mayor. What a charming character! The little ryhmes in between were great and really helped to bring this across in a very nicely ant-related way. Great job with this! ^_^
A late comment - but a sincere one. I love this "update" of the ants and the grasshoppers fable. I appreciate a good moral in a children's story. I learned many good things from Aesop.

I covet your creative mind - everything you write is uniquely original and well-scripted. Your writing has that certain "something" that will take you places. :)
What an excellent story based on a Bible verse -- I felt bad for Mayor Larry!