Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Write something suitable for CHILDREN (05/31/07)
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TITLE: Lou's Red Blue and Green Thing | Previous Challenge Entry
By Betty Castleberry
06/03/07 -
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The oddest contraption that Lou’d ever seen
It had an antenna sprouting up from a nook
It hummed and it clicked and it quivered and shook
When she bent down to touch it, it spun all around
Then it got very quiet, not making a sound
Lou tapped on the top of its sparkly beeper
And out came a jumper, a hopper, and leaper
One had a lollipop on top of his head
His hair was messed up like he’d just left his bed
His feet were so big that they thudded and clomped
Even on tiptoes he tromped and he stomped
The next one had ears with orange polka dots
His wrinkly forehead was covered with spots
His nose was a flower of bright sunny yellow
The stripes on his chin made him quite a strange fellow
The last one had fur like a puppy or kitty
It was curly and long and really quite pretty
His tail was little, no more than a nub
And when he saw Lou he wagged the short stub
They skipped and they bounced to a very strange song
Which came from the flute that they brought along
They sang along, too, in squeaky small voices
Then stood in a line, the strangest of choices
With a nod of their heads, they marched up to Lou’s toes
Then tickled her kneecaps, her elbows and nose
They made quite a scene with their marching and wiggling
Lou couldn’t help it, she had to start giggling
With a tug and a whistle and a wink and a grin
They climbed the contraption and tumbled back in
Lights shone all around and it started to rise
With a whir and a twinkle it shot toward the skies
It slid down the rainbow and circled a cloud
The clicking and humming had gotten quite loud
Lou waved goodbye and called “Come back to play!”
Then she watched as it sped out of sight and away
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The rhyme was perfect, though once or twice the meter bobbled. The ending seemed just a little abrupt. Maybe add a stanza where the three promise to come again whenever Lou gets bored.
This is a great read-aloud for the younger set, though. Terrific job!
It slip down the rainbow and circled a cloud--in this wonderful children's story.
Laury