The Official Writing Challenge
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I like how the character thinks. Great detective work. Personally, I didn't connect with the characters. Good job and great story.

Oh this was fun!! I especially loved the line about the elephant memory like the Agatha Christie books. I don't think anything motivates like a hungry, annoyed person!! I thought you showed this well, rather than telling.
Your MC has great deductive reasoning skills. This is a cool litte mystery - I enjoyed it.
It's quite a job to develop a mystery in only 750 words, isn't it? Hard to round out the characters. I think you did a great job, given the limitations. Quite creative, and I could really visualize Nola sitting there ticking off each finger as she reasoned out the solution to the whereabouts of Helene.

Watch for small details in your writing: a missing comma here; a missing quotation mark there; subject/verb agreement [Sorry... I'm a homeschool mom, so I have to monitor my kids' grammar ;o)].

I loved your descriptions, such as: Margie's forehead scrunched into a knot. Overall, a wonderful job. Blessings, Cheri
Interesting story. Great detective work. Good writing.
Really fun, following your protagonist's thought processes. I love it!
While, we did learn quite a bit about Helene from the deduction skills of our MC, we didn't learn much about the MC. Was it Nancy Drew in disguise? This was an enjoyable read . . . thanks for sharing.
What a clever little detective! I liked her savvy. It's funny how kids see right through people, isn't it? I'm glad she was going to get home in time for her pizza. You made her real. A fun story!
Cute story and like in real life, using common sense can make the most brilliant detectives of us all!
You packed so much into only 750 words! I enjoyed the read!
This was wonderful! Putting the red scarf and the red dress at the boutique and all together was a great piece of detective work and writing skill, and in 750 words or less.

I thought all of this was very believable and flowed quite nicely. Terrific job.
I love your characterization - the tone of this was just perfect. Enjoyed this very much.
Very cute and creative story! Your writing kept me interested from start to finish, and I loved the last line. (Only now I'm hungry for spinach pizza, too!!) I like your MC's clever deducing! :)
I love the voice you wrote this in. You did a great job.
Great job. You kept my attention with your great writing skills.
Well done Sara!
I really enjoyed your entry. Like commenters before me, I loved the way you concisely developed the characters through conversation and your MC's sleuthing.
As a reader, I was caught up in your story line right from the start and your ending brought it all to a great conclusion - and all in 750 words!
Again, well done.
I had to find your story to read and to thank you for your comment on my mystery entry. You have a neat little detective, here, using logic to track down the missing Helene, so much like my favorite Nancy Drew would do. I'm glad I found this entertaining read. Thank you!