The Official Writing Challenge
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A valiant effort on a critical topic. Humbly, however, I have to admit that I found this story to be surprisingly disjointed and hard to follow for an advanced level entry, and the allegory loosely tied to the concept. You may benefit from getting a writing buddy on FW to help you hone your writing to a finer point. I wish you the best as we both work on improving our craft to His glory.
It may be that you're new to FW's weekly challenge, and assuming that you are, let me share a few pointers. You may want to pay more attention to your sentence structure as many of the sentences are incomplete. Many words were apparently omitted. That's one of the major problems we writers have -- we think faster than we type and inadvertently leave out words. Even when we go back and read through our work, we "see" words that aren't actually there. I struggled to find a strong tie to the topic -- this is a point you may want to remember in future challenges since we're judged on how well we handle the topic.

As for your topic of the unborn, it's near and dear to my heart. If this is your passion, I would work hard to develop your writing skills in order to effectively communicate your points because it's a message that the world needs to hear.

If I may, I would suggest that you try two things when our challenges start back up next quarter: (1) Find a buddy to proof your work before submitting, and (2) drop back down to the Beginners Level and work your way up. This will give you room to improve your skills without your readers comparing your writing to others in this Advanced level.

I just wonder, though, if you posted your rough draft rather than your finished work -- could that have happened accidentally?

Please be encouraged -- you have a message and God has given you the desire to communicate that message. I look forward to seeing you grow in your gift as you offer it back to the Lord as a sacrifice. God bless you! :)
Do not become discouraged...but follow the above comments; and work your way up to this level. With time, patience and work you will succeed. God Bless.
You have a desperately needed message. I hope you are willing to pressure the diamond from the coal, so your passion can be understood by your readers.