My First Crush | Previous Challenge Entry

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TITLE: My First Crush | Previous Challenge Entry
By Gena Killen
06/16/06
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First crushes are real. They typically occur anywhere from age five or six to pre-teenage years. Mine was around age twelve. Knowing me I had a fling or two in second or third grade but nothing serious with feelings.

This guy was the boy next door. Literally. He was really more of my older brothers friend but he was my age. He was hot. I was so attracted to him physically. He could talk to anyone. I loved that about him. He wasn’t intimidated by my older brother and his friends, he fit right in. He was everything my twelve year old heart needed. And it was foreign to me, this crush. These feelings. I wanted him to notice me.

And then he did. He never said in so many words but I could tell. Body language speaks loudly. He was so cautious and this brings us to the topic at hand. My sweet, innocent first crush was with “Keith”, my black neighbor. And I must mention I am as white as they come. Red hair and all.

I remember one night Keith and I were at his house watching a movie. My heart was beating so fast. We were next to each other on his parents couch. They were there of course as were the rest of the neighborhood gang. But he sat by me. And I still remember that awesome feeling that comes all over you when you fall in love. It was something I can’t explain.

We were so young, it was all so pure. I don’t even think we held hands but I so would have. He had great lips. My twelve year old self noticed that and I still remember 20 years later. I am sure to have kissed him if we had the chance.

Yes we were both young but we both knew something else was stopping us. Something we couldn’t even put words around. Something bigger than we understood. And what I didn’t know then is that I would never understand.

Keith’s dad was a preacher. The song “Son of A Preacher Man” always holds special meaning to me. He moved and I really haven’t heard from him since. I often think about what if he stayed. Would I have dated him as I grew older? We both attended a private Christian school. Predominately white. My feelings said a loud “yes”, my community would have said a loud “no”.

It’s really ridiculous. This person loved God. His family had great faith. I have never understood racism. I don’t understand when Christ said we are all the same why that doesn’t compute in people’s brain. If my children find that real kind of love in a person of another race, I will be praising God they found the one He has intended for them.

I ended up dating all white guys, I just didn’t want to fight that battle when I was that age. I will for my children someday if there’s a need. I pray as time continues, we will mature in Christ and see each other as different -but the same.

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