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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Hope (05/04/06)
Bittersweet

My fingers play adagios. My feet splash through the rain.
My eyes dissolve as twilight paints a masterpiece, again.
My ears discern the whispering that beckons to MY SOUL.
Its breezes tease my windblown hair to warn me of the cold.

How does MY MIND get hold of this, this paradox of life,
Where beauty so exquisite cuts both ways as with a knife?
When laughter turns to choking sob, no senses comprehend
Why Happiness should fly away as fast as she descends.

While elders who have borne the load seek refuge from the wild,
The ravages of sin and death wreak havoc on this child.
My arms ache sore to hold you close, much longer than before,
Because MY HEART, remembering, invites Hope to restore.

However pain and suffering tow treasures in their wake,
By His design, this Life from death plumbs promises to stake.
Its cadence steals MY BREATH away. We dance on broken feet.
I have no explanation---yet! (My name is Bittersweet).
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This article has been read 2685 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
dub W
05/11/06
Very dramatic, watch forcing the rhymes in the couplets.
Birdie Courtright
05/13/06
I really liked this. Very nice.
Debbie OConnor
05/13/06
Very good. Love the message and the poem flowed well. Great work.
Maxx .
05/13/06
This was great ... I thought the ending was strong. It felt a bit formal and structured, which is fine, it's just another style. Well done!
Jessica Schmit
05/14/06
wow, impressive. I'm quite shocked your in intermediate. You have some impressive talent!
Katherine Hussmann Klemp
05/14/06
I loved the flow. You have a wonderful ability to use visual language. The words just seem as though they belong together. They fit.
Crista Darr
05/16/06
I enjoyed this. The rhythm is wonderful and it has depth. Since I like this so much, I hope you welcome a critique. :-)I may be wrong, but isn’t it adagio, not adagios? And adagio means slow. This seems to contradict the opening mood of the poem. Also the line, “By His design, this Life from death plumbs promises to stake,” did not flow well for me. My favorite part of this poem:
“When laughter turns to choking sob, no senses comprehend, Why Happiness should fly away as fast as she descends.” Great work!

Edy T Johnson
05/16/06
[I may be wrong, but isn’t it adagio, not adagios? And adagio means slow. This seems to contradict the opening mood of the poem. Also the line, “By His design, this Life from death plumbs promises to stake,” did not flow well for me.]

You are probably right about there being no plural to adagio. I was thinking in terms of more than one musical number: Barber's Adagio for Strings, Albinoni's Adagio in G Minor. To me, they fit with the atmosphere of Bittersweet (why do we love stuff that is so beautiful it makes us cry?). Likewise, we can hide from the rain, or go splashing in it, another Bittersweet experience.

"...Life from death plumbs" IS rather a harsh mouthful, I must admit! But, to me, the word "plumbs" captured the concept of dredging to the depths of God's promises for hopes to stake our life upon.

I really appreciate your digging into the poem and sharing your observations! You'd be surprised how much I "saw" after I wrote the poem that I did not consciously know I was including when I wrote it!

My thanks to all of you for your comments---I have been delighted to read what you have to say.
Sherril Wendling
05/17/06
I loved this. My spirit can sink teeth into it. The "adagio(s)" don't bother me a bit (I rehearsed enough of them as a kid!). The thing that stands out to me is this: it's one thing to write good solid poetry, but another to see the world around you with a true poet's eye. You have that rare gift. Reading this opens realities in the spirit realm, using masterful descriptive strokes and startling juxtaposition of words that would only occur to a natural poet. Thanks for sharing.
Jessica Schmit
05/18/06
I was so thrilled to see your name on the podium! Great job Edy!
Kathleen Morris
05/18/06
Congrats Edy!!!!!!!
George Parler 
05/18/06
Nice job Edy. I can't add any crtiques that haven't already been addressed. Great job.
Jan Kamp
05/19/06
Congratulations on your win, Edy!!
Valora Otis
05/20/06
This poem was so moving and beautiful. The flow was so natural. You have a gift. I'm so pleased to see that you placed! Congrats to you Edy!
Brenda Craig
06/11/06
Edy, this was great I loved it. It is thought provoking; requiring one to think at a deeper level. Very inspiring!!!
Marilyn Schnepp 
02/04/07
It takes nine months for a bundle of joy to arrive, and it took me nine months to find this treasure of a gem! Edy, this touches the heart and soul; simply exquisite and truly a winner. Honest injin(sp)? But you know what I'm trying to say. I didn't look to see what the Topic word was...but when I'm finished telling you how terrific this poem is...I'll give it a look see...and ten to one you're probably right on target. Best yet! Great entry, nice job!
Linda Watson Owen
10/21/07
Edy, this is beautifully melodic in every line! I love your use of alliteration and assonance to make the poem sing. To me that's a major part of differentiating between poetry and prose...being aable to make the sound of words SING, and you do it! Lovely!