Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Fulfillment (04/06/06)
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TITLE: The Golden Calf | Previous Challenge Entry
By Patty Apostolides
04/13/06 -
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Here she was, at the age of thirty-one, having attained all that she wanted in life, and she should have been happy. Instead, she was too busy to feel happy. She worked ten-hour days, and often weekends, and didn’t have much of a social life. She had no time for friends, and had even stopped going to church on Sundays. A nagging thought entered her mind. Are you truly fulfilled with your well-paying job, and now this new house?
She shrugged the odd feeling that something wasn’t quite right. She slipped out of the car and searched for the house key, trying to recall the delighted feeling she got when she learned the house was hers. Moments later, her steps echoed through the empty home. She shivered as the reality set in. The house is too big. Too many rooms to fill with new furniture. She had gotten used to living in her one bedroom apartment. She stopped in front of the master bedroom. A large, wooden cross hung on the wall. Probably forgotten by the previous owner. She clenched the key, remembering the cross in her bedroom; of a little girl who held her mother’s hand as they went to church on Sundays; the same girl who prayed every night before going to sleep. Now she had become a spiritless woman, too busy for church, pursuing the golden calf instead of God.
She knelt down, tears streaming down her face. “Dear Lord,” she whispered. “Help me to come closer to you. Help me fulfill your will and not mine.” She remained there, praying. A peace descended upon her as she realized what she needed to do. She felt like a new person driving back to the apartment. A half-hour later, she checked her answering machine. The light was blinking. She pressed the button.
“Cindy, if you’re there, please pick up the phone. I know you’ve been avoiding me ever since I told you about Larry, but he’s been calling almost every day asking about you. Are you sure you don’t want me to give him your telephone number? You never know. He seems interested in you. Please call me.”
Cindy’s shoulders slumped forward. Her mother was right. She had been avoiding her ever since she called to tell her about Larry two days ago. Cindy also hadn’t wanted to deal with Larry. He was a handsome engineer who she had met at a dinner party a week ago. They had chatted awhile, and she had truly enjoyed his company, but when he had asked for her phone number, it had caught her by surprise. There was no room in her life for dating men. She rarely gave her phone number out, but she hastily gave him her mother’s number. She dialed her mother.
“Hello, Mother?” she began, her voice trembling.
“Cindy? You had me worried there,” said Irene. “Larry just called again. He sounds like a nice guy. He goes to church and everything. I keep telling him you are out. He thinks you’re living here with us. Why don’t you call him back?”
“Mother, I’m sorry about all this,” said Cindy. “I didn’t expect him to be so interested. I promise, I’ll call him right now.”
“Oh, good!” said Irene, her voice suddenly high pitched, as she gave her Larry’s telephone number. “Let me know what happens!”
“All right,” Cindy replied. She took a deep breath and dialed his number.
“Hello?”
“Larry? This is Cindy. Cindy Mellon,” Cindy said nervously. After a few minutes of talking, she hung up and leaned against the wall, replaying their conversation in her mind. It just flowed easily. She was tingling all over as she dialed her mother. Was this happiness?
“Mother, he’s asked me out on a date,” Cindy said. She paused.
“And?”
“I said yes.”
“Praise the Lord! You finally said yes! My prayers have been met!”
“Mother!”
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Thanks for sharing your story with us! I liked your basis a lot. Your character was good and dialog flowed really nicely! I did feel a little rushed, it felt to easy for me when she prayed... Maybe have her struggle with herself, "do I really want to start *that* again?" kinda thing. I just wondered if the person you made her out to be would give in that fast? And that's just my opinion. Great job!
On the positive side, you've created a realistic character, and you've made your readers care about her and her life. Love the optimistic ending!