Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Enter (02/27/06)
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TITLE: NO EXIT | Previous Challenge Entry
By alan polacek
03/03/06 -
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“I’m not sure. Pretty nice place, isn’t it?”
“ That it is, but I really need to be going! I don’t think I fit in with this crowd.”
“ Don’t know what makes you think that. Looks like a friendly bunch to me!"
With a “Thanks anyway, mister” Bill took off down the corridor frantically looking for an exit.
“This doesn’t make one lick of sense. You can come in but you can’t get out. Great! Now I’m talking to myself!”
A lady passing by heard him and with a laugh said. “ Lots of people are like you when they first get here. Is there something I can help you with?”
“Yes ma’am, can you tell me where I can find an exit?”
“Now why in the world would you want to leave, don’t you like it here?”
“Well yeah, I like it” Bill answered
“ Then why leave?” the lady questioned
“ Uuuhhmm, I don’t think I belong. Not the kind of people or place I’m used to.”
“Everyone feels like that when they first arrive.”
“Lady, that may be. But those I’ve seen so far look like a whole different class of people than I am.”
The lady replies “ You mean was! Once in here you’re no longer the same.”
“ How can you be so sure?” Bill inquired. “ You’ve only just met me.. Now if you’ll excuse me I have to find the exit.”
“Son you can look for an eternity, but you won’t find any.”
“ That’s ridiculous!” Bill exclaimed. “ If you can get in, there has to be a way to get out.”
“ Think back.” She stated. “ What happened just before you arrived here?”
Pausing for a minute Bill answered. “ Well, I remember I was at the front of the Church and seems like I was standing with the preacher and we were both praying.”
“Yep, I knew it!” She laughed. “You’re one of us alright!”
Frustrated Bill said. “Okay lady! I’ll bite. Just what is ‘one of us’?”
“Sinners, everyone you see are sinners.”
“No way lady! If that were the case I wouldn’t feel so out of place.”
“It’s true, we are no better or worse than you.” Then she offered. “ Would you like me to explain?”
“I’d rather you show me the exit.” Bill sighed. “ But guess that’s not gonna happen?”
“ Nope, like I said. There is no exit.” She began. “ It’s like this. When you were at the altar with the preacher, you accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. At that moment you were forgiven of all your sins. We are all now in His care.”
Bill then got nervous. “That’s it! That’s why I feel so out of place. I’m not worthy. I need to leave. Now!”
“Young man, look around. What does the sign say above each door you see?”
Confused even more Bill answered. “Enter.”
“That’s right.” She answered. “Where you are right now is the path we all travel until we decide or feel guided to a door marked Enter. Behind each door is a way to serve the Lord. There are many to choose from. There’s preaching, teaching, deacon, song leader, youth ministry and many more. I’ve been to the teaching and choir sections and on my way to check out missions.”
Bill thought for a minute before speaking. “ I don’t know what to do. My past was so bad. I really feel I should leave.”
“ You’re stuck young man.” Informed the women. “You have accepted Jesus. Once you have done that you are in Gods keeping. Now, you may wander around out here in the corridor for as long as you wish. But the longer you stay, the more you will feel the urge to do more. You have entered God’s House. You can enter and leave any of these doors you come to. You’ll find that after entering one door you will want to move on to others.”
“ Bill, your alarm’s been going off for ten minutes. Get up! Breakfast is almost ready.”
As they sat and had breakfast Bill’s wife asks. “ Were you having a bad dream last night? You tossed and turned all night and were mumbling too but I couldn’t make out what you were saying.”
“Really?” Bill queried . “I don’t think I’ve ever felt more rested.”
NKJV John 10:9 “I am the door. If anyone enters by me, he will be saved. And go in and out and find pastures.”
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Although when I got to the part where he woke up, and his wife was asking about whether he was having a nightmare...that part didn't quite seem to fit. Even though he said he felt rested.
I think it would have been more logical for the guy to have been moving around all over the bed and kicking her to the floor in his sleep or something, LoL.
But good job!
Steph (patches)
Dialogue driven which you did well. Some kind of indicator to let the reader know Bill woke up would be helpful. It reads like a continuation of the dialogue. The flow is broken when you discover the scene has changed.
Very creative!