Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Help (02/20/06)
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TITLE: With apologies to Webster | Previous Challenge Entry
By Jonathan Turnbough
02/20/06 -
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hel-ot ’hel – ut noun : a slave
help ’help; Southern ‘hep, ‘hip, ‘hup noun : aid or assistance rendered by an external source; one or some who help(s); an employee or employees, i.e. “lay off some of the hired help…”; verb : to aid or assist someone or something; to promote or further someone or something along; to improve; interjection : a request, often manifested as a shrill shriek or cry, and usually with some urgency, for immediate attention and/or assistance, i.e. “HELP! How in the world am I going to get through this!? Three-thirty a.m., and I’m slogging through the 'h's! Who in the world would have thought this would be so difficile, so tedious, so copiously beleaguered by manifestly diffuse prolixity!!! Brainstorm, my fundament! Break into the market, I thought. Bring down the old Webster legacy, I told myself. That monopoly has subsisted far too long, I brooded. Employ your divers verbosity, I concluded. I should have left plenitude alone. Who knew this would be such a behemothic enterprise! So many words!! So many variations!!! My semantical resources were reduced to miniscule reserves before I had even construed ‘conflagration’! And new words—I tell you, these kids produce them faster then even Webster could manage! 'Crunk'? 'Emoticon'? 'Fashizzle'? I’m still vacillating on whether or not ‘bad’ is still ‘good’! And I haven’t even reached most of the weighty words yet. I tell you, there’s only so much one can say about ‘corn,’ and there’s no nice way to elaborate on ‘concupiscence.’ All this presentiment, vexation, and travail is enough to drive even the most docile elucidator dingly!! [ding-ly ’deeng – lee adjective (2006) : functioning with reduced mental and/or emotional resources, i.e. a few sheep short of a flock] I need a serious hiatus, a protracted respite, a SUMMA CAESURA!!! I need some HELP!!!”
help-er ’help – ur noun : one who helps; Christian term for third Person of the Godhead, the Holy Spirit, i.e. “I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may be with you forever” (John 14:16)
hel-ter—skel-ter ’hel – tur – skel – tur adjective : out of control, out of order, hurried and haphazard; common state of modern human existence
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