Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Proverbs 17:22 (05/04/23)
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TITLE: A Child’s Despair (and A Mother’s Broken Heart) | Previous Challenge Entry
By Ellen Janson
05/10/23 -
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My son, Will, had been through a very difficult two years. We knew a move out of state between his freshman and sophomore year of highschool would be difficult, but my husband’s job required it and we told ourselves it would “build character”. Will had been very successful on a Michigan “state cup” soccer team for several years, and we convinced ourselves he would easily slide into a group of friends with highschool soccer. Until he didn’t make the varsity soccer team.
At a new school, with no friends, Will needed to “reinvent” himself. And then COVID hit that Spring. Will spent entire days in his pajamas, holed up in his bedroom. Classes were online and there were no after school activities. His once happy-go-lucky disposition became “flat”. His despair was palpable.
I tried to reach him. I read books for help. I found a reputable counselor with whom Will refused to meet. I enlisted the help of an older brother Will respected.
And I prayed almost constantly.
“Love him,” was the only thing I repeatedly heard from God.
As the world ever so slowly began to reopen, Will began spending entire days at the skatepark. He got a tattoo. He dyed his hair. His clothes took on a new, distinguishable smell. We had a couple quiet conversations with him expressing our concerns about his behavior, and remindng him of our house rules, but for the most part we felt helpless. He was clearly hurting, and we were terrified by the stories of peers who had taken their own lives.
I continued to share with Will’s father what God was saying to me,
“We need to love him. We need to show him that there is absolutely NOTHING he can do to keep us from loving him.”
All the while I continued to try to reach Will. Oh, how I missed my son.
One day I found myself in the part of town near the skatepark and the tattoo parlor; I could not deny the “darkness” I felt whispering all around me. Words on signs were angry, and rebellion to all authority was rampant. I came home and asked Will if he thought the people who spray painted those words and talked with such anger were happy. He had to admit that no, they probably were not. I cautioned him that “misery loves company.”
“They’re not calling you to be like them because they love you, Will, or have your best interest at heart. They’re wanting you to be like them because misery loves company,”
I then assured him that his parent’s only motive with him was love, and told him that we would literally walk through fire for him. It was the first time he initiated a hug in a very long time. Maybe it was a start.
Will only half heartedly applied for colleges the Fall of his senior year. It was hard to get motivated in the midst of COVID - not knowing if schools were ever going to reopen. And virtual tours were not a valid substitute for vibrant college campus tours. We gave him the option of not going to college (like his older brothers) while being ever so careful not to imply we didn’t have confidence in him.
During our first “live” college tour (late into Will’s senior year) we saw just a hint of a smile for the first time in what felt like years. Financially this out-of-state school was beyond our budget, but Will’s enthusiasm was worth almost any amount of money to us. Over the next days, we told Will of the sacrifices we were willing to make because we had such confidence in him. We came up with creative ways wherein he could help “offset” the tuition. And we prayed about it, suggesting Will do the same.
God provided, and Will did go to said college. He earned a 3.8 GPA his freshman year. He still loves skating, and we know we have a long way to go, but he has become more comfortable not only with who he is, but also of our unfailing love for him. After two very worrisome years of relentlessly pursuing our son, we can breathe again. My heart is literally soothed everytime I see Will smile, but for him to kiss me? Well, that is pure bliss!
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