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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: TASTE (07/01/21)
I was running as fast as I could, trying to put some distance between myself and my pursuer. I had to get to the bakery before it closed, but the man behind me wanted those wonderful pastries just as much as I did, maybe more than I.

I had to get those goodies before anyone else since my sister Elsie loved them and tomorrow was her sixteenth birthday. I wanted so much for her day to be special. However, I knew as well the reason Mr. Thompson wanted those bakery delights.

He wanted them for his dying wife’s anniversary. I knew she probably would not be around for their next anniversary. Elsie’s birthday was important, too. After all, you only turn sixteen once. It would be very unusual, but I hoped that there would be enough sweets for both Elsie’s birthday and Mr. Thompson’s anniversary.

I managed to get to my destination just ahead of Mr. Thompson. I could see there would not be enough for both of us to get what we wanted. I could leave there in a hurry and still get to another bakery and get Elsie’s goodies there. If I paid extra for delivery, I could still ensure my gift would arrive in good shape and also on time.

I hurried to the bus stop as fast as my legs would carry me. I wanted to fly but I knew that was impossible, so I just walked swiftly. I got on the bus and I made good time, arriving at the second bakery just before the deadline for placing next day orders had passed.

I placed my order, paid for it in advance, and received a small slip of paper. This paper contained the list of what I had ordered for the next day, how much it cost, and the time it could be picked up. I walked out of the bakery and headed back to the place where I had just gotten off of the bus.

I had to wait a while, since the bus needed to pick up all those who were heading home at the end of a hectic day. While I was waiting, I was surprised to see Mr. Thompson walking up to the same bus stop.
I walked up to him and stated, “I did not expect to see you here. Did you have some more shopping to do?”

“Yes, I did. I decided to come to this bakery rather than the one in our neighborhood. I remembered that my wife used to like the cookies they bake here. So I ordered a dozen of the chocolate chip for our anniversary.” Mr. Thompson looked pleased at the thought of the cookies.

“I came here to get some pastries for Elsie’s birthday. They have a much better selection here than at the other bakery.” I wanted to say more, but I did not know what else to say.

Mr. Thompson looked at me and said, “You went to the second bakery on purpose, didn’t you? I saw you leave the first one and then hurry to the bus stop. I figured you were letting me get what I wanted first. That was a nice thing to do.’

“Oh, I am so embarrassed. I was hoping you wouldn’t figure out what I did.” I felt my face get red and I tried to hide my shame.

“You shouldn’t be embarrassed. I wanted to thank you for what you did. I probably wouldn’t have thought about those cookies at the second bakery if you hadn’t gone there.” Mr. Thompson was happy as he thought of how pleased his wife would be.

Later, when I arrived back home, I thought of the psalm that says, “O taste and see that the Lord is good.” (Psalm 34:8, KJV) The Lord gives us many things to enjoy, and they often appeal to our taste buds. He knows that certain things trigger good memories and thoughts, such as smelling a cake baking. Often it reminds us of visiting grandma and all of the cakes she baked through the years.

I am so glad the Lord gives us so many things to enjoy!
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This article has been read 308 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Laura Manley
07/15/21
I enjoyed your entry very much. It was such a sweet story about one's humbleness and looking out for the other person. It has put a smile on my face.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
07/16/21
This is a great story idea. I like where you're going with it for sure. But there seemed to be some conflicts. Why was she sprinting to beat the man? If there had been enough for both she wouldn't have needed to race. Perhaps if you had her look and see disappointment on his face when he looked in and discovered there wouldn't be enough that might've helpec. You also need to tighten your writing a bit too. For example: Sprinting, I started putting space between my pursuer and me. <i>I've gotta get there first. Elsie'll be so sad if she doesn't get sweets for her 16th birthday. </i>
Also be careful of POV shifts. You can't know what other characters are thinking unless they speak or use body language. This helps with the showing not telling too. I did like your ending. It was sweet for her to think of someone else. This is a great message and a timely one too.