Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: QUESTION (S) (05/30/19)
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TITLE: A Mother's Questions | Previous Challenge Entry
By Angie Ragg
06/03/19 -
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A Mother’s Questions
Growing up, whenever anyone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, the answer was always the same:
"I want to be a mommy."
In this entire world all I ever wanted was to be a mother.
A successful mother.
A faith filled mother.
A strong mother.
A mother that presented the world with her most precious gift.
Her children.
They are almost all grown and I am filled with questions...
Did I do enough?
Did I pray enough?
Did I teach too much?
Did I teach enough?
Did I lead by example?
Did I protect them enough?
Did I show them how to be strong?
Was I an example of humility?
Did I guide them in truth?
Did I discipline too much? Not enough?
Are they prepared for temptations they will face?
Did I show them selflessness?
Will they turn to The Lord when they are facing difficulty?
Do they really know that my love for them can never be broken?
Do they know there is nothing that can separate them from God’s love?
They were clay in my hands.
I knew that.
I took it very seriously.
As a mother of an addict, it has prompted much harder questions...
Is his addiction my fault?
Was I blind to the warning signs?
Could I have prevented this?
How can I stop him if he is on a path of destruction?
Did I pray enough?
Have my sins caused this?
How can I help him when he pushes me away?
How do I make him want sobriety?
Did I inform him enough about the temptations of this world?
Did I teach him how to resist temptation?
Will he ever be free from these chains?
How do I protect him from the evil that comes with drugs and alcohol?
Will he be restored and live a happy life?
Does he cry out to God for help?
Does The Lord hear my cries?
Sometimes the questions move to more immediate circumstances...
Is he safe?
Did he eat today?
What company is he keeping?
Are his clothes clean?
Does he feel alone?
Is he cold?
When is the last time he showered?
Does he remember how much he is loved?
The pain in my heart is often unbearable.
I still see my son in his superman jammies watching Aladdin.
I still hear his voice calling my name.
I still have the anticipation and excitement of the man he will become.
Just like I did when he was little.
It’s just delayed.
Not forgotten.
I don’t know if I will ever receive answers to my questions.
I don’t know if it would matter if I did.
I do know that every day since I became a mother,
It’s been the highest privilege I’ve received from The Lord.
I certainly messed up every day.
I’ll still mess up.
But I can confidently say that I loved them right.
And love covers a multitude of sin.
A mother must learn to trust The Lord and forget the questions.
Quietly.
Faithfully.
Hopefully.
Prayerfully.
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