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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: TRUST (07/21/16)
Lying in the soft green grass just on the edge of summer, Alfie remained on high alert. To by passers he appeared to be enjoying a sunny day underneath the cloudy Texas skies without a care in the world but nothing could be further from the truth. Sheer fatigue left him sprawled out in clear visibility despite the dangers he knew were all around him.

Alfie had just spent the last month on the run. In his own mind’s eye he could not comprehend why so many people seemed to be after him. Granted he stole some food to eat and he was long overdue on his hygiene routine, but neither of those facts should bring this much attention.

His eyes bloodshot from lack of rest and his frail body from lack of nourishment was not becoming on him. He had once stood tall in the highest rankings of his class, but now he found himself living each day as a pauper in look of a handout. With that distressing thought in mind, he drifted off to a restless sleep.

Just as the sun pushed away the darkness of night, Alfie awoke in quite a startle. Pushing himself off the ground while stretching and shaking off the harshness of the dream he just lived through, he became acutely aware of his perilous exposure. Slowly crouching toward him were four people and one of them had a weapon in their hands he was unfamiliar with. With energy that only adrenaline can bring, he sprang into action. His past training enabled him to be nimble as he maneuvered past this attack and found a place of shelter in an old alley across from the park.

Trying to catch his breath and stay hidden were his only two objectives. He couldn’t deal with what’s next. This moment was all that mattered. Immediate safety his only aim. As he began to calm down in hopes that his attackers gave up and moved on, the shaking began. It was uncontrollable and seemed to last even longer than the last time.

Lying behind the cardboard shelter he found, Alfie began to wonder if this would ever end. He missed his family and wondered if they were safe. He questioned whether or not they missed him as much as he missed them. Oh he knew they loved him but he had also experienced their frustration at some of his daily antics. Deep in thought on how to get back home….his worst fear was at hand. How did he miss the signs or not hear the footsteps.

All of a sudden he found himself thrown into the back of a truck. Fear gripped him as he felt the various turns and stops. Confusion of who these people were and where they were taking him set in. His mind played havoc with the possibilities.

In what seemed like a very long time, the truck stopped and he was escorted into a white brick building with smells and sounds that unnerved him. People began talking around him and he was afraid and untrusting of their intentions. Finally a lady with an old pale green shirt and tattered jeans sat down beside Alfie and began to talk to him. She took a strange contraption out of her back pocket and Alfie thought for sure this was his last moment on earth. He closed his eyes as he heard a loud beep. He did not feel a thing and was shocked when she got up and walked away. A few minutes later, she brought Alfie some water to drink which he reluctantly received at first, but the soothing his dry throat received made him lower his guard for a moment as he devoured every drop provided.

There was a window in the room and he could see that it was beginning to get dark. He wondered how long he would be left here and what their plans were for him. But even fear couldn’t have victory over exhaustion and sleep won out. Awoken by footsteps outside his door, Alfie woke up to a room filled with sunlight and hope. The door suddenly opened and in a matter of a few seconds, he found himself in the arms of Ginny. Tears were running down her ten year old cheeks as she held him in her arms. Alfie was wiggling and licking her face so much that laughter arose throughout the room. All recognized that this was his person whom he trusted!
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Pat Small
08/04/16
I liked the surprising twist at the end of the story. I found that there were a lot of awkward sentences, and a lot of proofreading needed. You show great promise. Practice makes perfect so keep at it.
Joe Moreland
08/10/16
What a great surprise! There did appear to be some awkward sentences, but when I re-read it, with knowledge of the ending, they seemed to make a lot more sense now that I knew who Alfie was.

It's actually a bit ingenious!

Awesome job! I encourage you to keep it up, I'm seeing more confidence and ability with every story you write!
Roy Proctor
08/13/16
Ingenious, I do have to say. About half way through it I suddenly realized that Alfie was a lost dog.

Your way with words tend to run away with itself. Maybe trying to express things with fewer words. Break up some of the long sentences with shorter ones.

I read every one of your stories. While I didn't like the outcome of the girl with cancer, it was good.

It's hard for me to accept sickness when I read that Jesus healed all that believed in Him.

But not all things in life end up as my theological mind dictates.

Keep on writing.