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Topic: SMEAR (03/10/16)
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TITLE: Not OUR Faith | Previous Challenge Entry
By Art Westefeld
03/17/16 -
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It didn't seem fair that her daughter's life was at stake just for a disagreement about religious faith in a supposedly advanced society like the Qlag. It was less than two percent of the people's faith that failed to conform to the planet's dominant religion. She thought of the last message she saw before she signed off, deleting the comment that burned itself in her mind like an acid stain. It read, "This alien loving whore wants to pollute our bloodlines with her 'religion'."
With a heavy sigh, and her daughter's pain filled yowls in her ears, she logged back on, hoping that someone would not look at her as attempting to destroy the world. Her terminal flashed with the message that she had not yet filled out her census form, required of anyone who had been offworld for a month or more, as she had while learning about Jesus from Pastor Myron. She ignored the ignore button, and hit the accept button.
At the section where she was ready to fill out an answer to the question: "Have you changed anything to conform to an alien culture?” a solution hit her like a meteor. No one was supposed to be able to access the planetary databanks, but her skills with computers exceeded nearly anyone else on her world. Perhaps hacking the database was illegal, but with her daughter's life at risk…
She focused past her other children's arrival from school, hacking the planetary government database. After the moons' rise to their maximum height, she had found out who was a Christian and who had a son about Belloc's age who was not listed with any family groups. His clan's status was far below hers, his father being a robot repairtech. The boy's training indicated he was on track to do better. He was training to program robots. At least if her daughter were to practice Christian monogamy, she'd have a partner who could support her in a life similar to her mother's.
Shiren recalled from studying the New Testament, that many early Christians suffered social ostracism for their acceptance of the Truth. Shiren would sooner go to Reg'Loki, her species version of what the Bible called Hell, than ignore the Truth she had learned about Christ. But could she suffer Belloc to die for the choice she had made for her family, or for artificial status issues?
She sent the young man's sire a message asking for a meeting, a rarity not to be speaking dame to dame.
They agreed to come to her home the next day for an interview, as any suitor would do by custom. Shiren had not entertained a male in her home since C'Wolk and was nervous about what her neighbors, already upset with her 'alien' faith, would think of males coming to call upon her home.
At mid-sun, the two arrived as expected. They may have been Christians, but still adhered to proper manners when coming to a female's dwelling. Bowing, the sire quoted, “My clan hopes to be worthy to assist you and your daughter, at your time of need, if you find our clan worthy.”
Shiren responded, "If you are indeed brothers in Christ, stand erect and I am certain you will be worthy."
The male introduced himself as Kurn, and his son as Rodek. They both had blue eyes, which indicated a lower social status based on that alone, as most 'true' Qlag had green or yellow eyes. If her daughter would be the dame of a clan of Blue Eyes, it was better than her being dead.
The interview went about the way Shiren expected it to go, with Kurn's apologizing for their inferior status, but not for their Christian faith. She reminded them that their inferior status was merely societal in nature. She admittedly wondered what the children would look like with her daughter's short tawny fur and Rodek's long black and white fur, never mind the eye coloration.
With Belloc clearly smitten with Rodek, Shiren and Kurn began to fill out government paperwork to allow a permanent pairing.
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The problem with science fiction in such a restricted amount of words is that you have to spend too much time world-building, which to the reader, looks like 'telling, not showing.' As a consequence, characterization is lacking and the piece lacks emotional depth. In general, the more alien the world you create, the more words you need in order to attend to plot building and character development.
To make this fit within the 750-word limit and still have developed characters, work on only developing one aspect of the alien culture, and sacrificing back story. And in my opinion, the real story here is Shirin's poor daughter--but we still know almost nothing about her; she's hidden away for the whole story. What if you'd written it from her POV, and gotten into her feelings about her dilemma?
Just some things for you to think about. It may be that this story should be told, just in a longer form. It's certainly not like anything I've read before, and that's a good thing.
Blessings~