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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: THE WHOLE WORLD IN GOD’S HANDS (not the song) (05/28/15)
“Beep! Beep! Beep!” my coffee maker alarmed as the last few drops fell into the pot. I poured myself a cup, and wrapped both of my hands around the warm mug. I walked to the door of my small storefront and turned on the “OPEN” light. Lucky Stars Palmistry and Astrology was ready for another day of business.

I had opened shop three years ago, and gained a consistent flow of curious clients- people wanting to know who they would marry, how many children they would have, should they leave their significant other, should they do this, should they do that, when would they die, how would they die, and the list went on and on. Of course, I could never give specifics, and for the ten dollars they paid, they were usually satisfied with my ability to read their personality type, relationship patterns, and other generalities. I had five or six regulars comprised of overly paranoid elderly people and those seeking oneness with the universe wanting to discuss their horoscope.

I had another regular, though not a customer. A lady passed by my store every week on a Tuesday morning about the time I open up. She never came inside, but she always taped a pamphlet to my door, smiled and waved like we were friends, and walked on. Every week I opened the door, took the pamphlet (it was always the same one) and threw it in the garbage.

As I walked from the door to assume my usual position at my desk, the Tuesday morning lady passed, taping the pamphlet to my door with a smile. On this particular day my curiosity peaked. The mere regularity of this lady was enough to get my attention, but her unwarranted friendliness each week intrigued me. I took the pamphlet, walked back to my desk and began to read. It was the plan of salvation.

~~~~

I closed my shop three years ago, after coming to accept Christ as my Savior. The lady who left the pamphlet is now my best friend, Amber. She has led me in my pursuit of knowing Christ. She has shown me the hands of the Savior where I find my name engraved. (Is. 49:16) I am in his hands, and nothing will ever be able to remove me. (John 10:28) In his hands I have discovered an entirely new world. When I look at nature, I no longer see an accident, but rather the magnificent handiwork of an omnipotent creator. I read of the healing power of his hands, and see how they have healed my own heart and soul. My heart aches and swells with the knowledge that his hands were stretched out and nailed to the cross for the redemption of my sins.

I no longer make my living by looking into the hands of strangers. Rather, I look into the hands of my Savior, and in His hands I have found my whole world.



**This is a work of fiction
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Bonnie Bowden 
06/04/15
I am so glad the MC found the light. Astrology and superstition have the Prince of Darkness and false power behind them.
Sunny Loomis 
06/11/15
Persistance and prayer pays off. Thank you.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
06/11/15
This is a lovely story. I think your idea is fresh and original, at least to the challenge, but certainly not to the world, which is a great reason to use it in the challenge to open the reader's eyes.

It feels like a testimony, but I see that it is fiction. Because it's fiction, I might encourage you to add a conflict right away. Perhaps one way would be to tell it from a different POV. Perhaps through the eyes of the Christian would allow you to grab that hook. She could be wrestling with leaving the pamphlet on the door or God could be nudging her to go inside, but she's afraid. Even if you stuck with your current POV, you could do something like: Glancing at the calendar, my stomach cramped up and my chest started pounding. It was Tuesday and that meant the crazy Jesus lady would be dropping by to tape a pamphlet to my door. Why can't she leave me alone? I wonder how she'd feel if I went to her church and left leaflets about astronomy.
I know I took some liberties with adjusting your MC's personality, but I wanted to show you one way to help hook the reader and clearly show the conflict.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
06/11/15
Sorry, I hit submit when I was trying to scroll down to my last paragraph. I enjoyed the voice of the characters and like I said before this is a real problem in the world. My death phobias started in my earlier teens. I'd keep my parents up all night screaming and crying. My mom sent me to talk to a Christian lady she'd been friends with. Her first question was "Do you read the horoscopes?"
I nodded and admitted once in a great while I would glance at it, but didn't really believe in it. She encouraged me to never read one again because I was opening the door to Satan. In my eyes, it seemed as harmless as Dear Abby and the comic strip section, which were both on the same page as the horoscopes.

Another tiny red ink is you used peaked when I think you meant piqued. I liked the way you delivered your message. God can save us from our little mistakes, prevent us from going down dark roads, and loves us more than we can imagine. That definitely came through in your piece.