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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: LUST (all-consuming desire; excessive craving) (01/08/15)
Candy was still hunched over her lab homework late one Thursday night when her room mate suddenly burst through the door of their dorm room. "Huh," she gasped; startled by the loud bang Olivia's body made when it hit the door jam; her eyes dazed and disoriented, as she stood there in her underwear.
"Are you still studying; my little goody-two shoes roomie?" she asked.
"Yeah....."Where have you been? You look like a real mess Olivia!"
"Gee thanks," she replied, stumbling to make her way to her own bed.
"You know you've been out almost every night this week!"
"Oh come on......I'm just enjoying my college years the way God intended," she replied, trying to look serious.
"Whatever," Candy replied. Then she went down the hall and into the bathroom. "Oh boy, she left her clothes and things everywhere! "Please help her God and please give me the words that may get through to her," she prayed. Then she gathered up Olivia's things, brushed her teeth and went to bed, but as soon as she got comfortable, Olivia tripped over her feet, until she made her way to Candy's bed.
"Do you wanna talk?" Candy offered, patting her bed.
Olivia sat down with big tears streaking her mascara down her cheeks, her light brown hair was shimmering with red lights, even in the dark and her huge blue eyes were red and swollen.
"What happened tonight?"
"I went to the "The Hubble," that little bar down the street and I met this guy and like before I knew it we were at his place. Everything was fine and suddenly...... he turned into a monster!" she screeched, putting her hands over her face.
"Did he rape you?"
"No, I pushed him away and ran outta there!"
"Well, thank God you're okay!" declared Candy.
"I don't wanna hear nothin bout GOD!" Screamed Olivia and she slammed the dormitory door.
The next day she went to see the dorm mother. "I'd like to request a change in room mates please," she said, matter factually.
"Oh hello Olivia, sit down dear," Elaine replied.
" I just can't deal with Candy anymore," she announced, sitting down.
"Okay.....well there's something I should explain to you.... Candice was the only girl willing to room with you. You have a bad rep around here for being a party girl and a loud and messy room mate."
"Yeah well this is college. Isn't partying a big part of the college experience?"
"Not here. The kids on this campus are very serious students.....I'm just wondering Livy; maybe you're just not quite ready for college yet."
Olivia stood up and walked out of the office without saying a word and went back to her room, still in shock.
"Hi Livy!"
Olivia waved her hand at Candy, without looking at her.
Candy followed her down the hall, into the bathroom. "Livy, what's wrong now?" she asked.
"I just had a talk with Elaine. She said none of the other girls will room with me. I'm starting to think you may be right about me," she replied, starting to cry.
"Well, if what Elaine told you made you realize you have a problem, then maybe now you can see that you should be living for God rather than for fleshy lusts and desires......and if so, then God just changed your bad into good!"
"Oh.....cool!" Olivia said, with an upbeat smile Candy hadn't seen before. "I don't know why you work so hard to help me."
"Well; I know we're opposites in our personalities, but I don't care! I consider you to be my best friend."
"BFF's forever," Olivia said, throwing her arms around Candy's neck.
"Yup that's us, just like water and oil, but still tight."
"Hahaha, yup, opposites attract, but I think I'll stick with nice guys that aren't too brainy from now on and cut down on all the partying!"
"Now that sounds like a plan, Hahahaha," Candy laughed. 'Oh thank You God,' she prayed, before she fell asleep.
The next morning; the girls walked together toward their classrooms
"Hey.....ya know what we were talking about last night about opposites?" Inquired Olivia.
"Yeah."
"Well that may be why we are attracted to God, because He's so VERY opposite from us?"
"Hahaha....well.....I never thought of that before, but you may be right! How bout from now on we learn about God together," Candy replied, as she threw her arm over Olivia's shoulder and flashed her most grateful smile up toward heaven.



* FICTION
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Member Comments
Member
Date
C D Swanson 
01/15/15
Great story! Powerful in delivery and content.

WEll done, with an all too important message at the end as well.

God bless~
Toni Babcock 
01/18/15
Good story writing with believable setting. There is one section of dialogue I would consider removing however. It makes your protagonist sound a tad too moralistic and Olivia sound unreal. The sentences I refer to are: "Well, if what Elaine told you made you realize you have a problem, then maybe now you can see that you should be living for God rather than for fleshy lusts and desires......and if so, then God just changed your bad into good!"
"Oh.....cool!" Olivia said, with an upbeat smile Candy hadn't seen before." (I think in real life Olivia may have frowned and gotten upset with her friends holier-than-thou approach. She would not have had such a spontaneous transformation in attitude). If that part of the dialogue is deleted, the story has just as much impact. This is just my personal opinion however.