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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Write for the SUSPENSE and/or THRILLER Genre (10/23/14)
Jennifer Cardillo walked happily through the park behind her home. Her mother was throwing one of her regular parties and Jennifer was happy to be free of the cacophony of noise that came with way too many people. Jennifer liked people, just not so many in one place at one time. It was a quiet, cool night and now all was right in her world. The park was her special place where she felt invincible. Jennifer turned sharply by a large bush, but as she did a hand reached out to grab her leg.

“Stop it!” Jennifer shrieked as she fought to keep her balance.

Jennifer’s heart rate increased as she realized that there was a form hidden in the bush and that the form was moving. Her first instinct was to stand and fight, but that quickly gave way to true fear and she took off running. As she ran the feet behind her grew closer and closer. She could feel breath on the back of her neck.

“Help me!” Jennifer yelled as she ran and ran.

Suddenly the form behind her reached out and hit the back of her foot sending Jennifer sprawling on the ground. Her right shoulder hit the ground at an angle that sent her tumbling forward. Fear now had taken full hold of her. She knew she was about to die. Her favorite place had turned into a chamber of death.

“No!” A man’s trembling voice quavered nearby.

Jennifer looked up at the man in complete confusion. His face was ashen and he was looking past her at something behind her. She turned but saw nothing and yet there was something there. It was a warmth, a powerful warmth, that just drew her in. Pure peace was behind her.

“Don’t hurt me,” The man said trembling.

“Get away from me,” Jennifer said confidently.

The man shook, turned, and ran off. Jennifer slowly got to her feet. The warmth was gone, but not completely. Whether it was an angel or the spirit of God, Jennifer wasn’t sure, but God had protected her and she was safe. She turned to walk back home. Suddenly she wanted to be around as many people as possible; that sounded very good. The park felt safer that before. She couldn’t quite explain it. She remembered the fear, but now the warmth of God’s spirit gave her an amazing peace. In the face of death her God had delivered her. Her world was even better than before.
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Member Comments
Member
Date
C D Swanson 
10/30/14
Excellent story. God is with us always, and this entry brings that message home loud and clear. Well done.

God bless~
Toni Babcock 
11/01/14
Great story! I would take another look at the sequence where she falls to the ground. It was unclear to me at first if she was looking at another person in front of her with an ashen face looking behind her, or if she had turned around after falling on her face to behold her stalker who now had an ashen face looking forward and behind her. Perhaps this crucial scene could be re-written to clarify exactly what is going on for the reader.
Myrna Noyes
11/02/14
I like the message of Divine protection, unseen but not unfelt. It is sad when a place of refuge becomes a place of terror instead, but God's presence can redeem and restore! Good story!
C D Swanson 
11/06/14
Congratulations!

God bless~