Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Write for the SUSPENSE and/or THRILLER Genre (10/23/14)
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TITLE: Safe from Terrorist | Previous Challenge Entry
By Robert Douglas Brown
10/30/14 -
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The couple met their freshman year of college at The University of North Carolina, and immediately fell head-over-heals-in-love. From their early teens, each felt the call to serve the lord full-time.
The couple finished college in 4 years. During their sophomore year, they realized that God wanted them to become missionaries.
One week later, Alex popped the question to Kazzi. “Would you please be my wife and share a life together serving the Lord Kazzi?” “Yes…yes, I will be your wife, soul-mate, and will serve the Lord until the end of my life.”
The couple had a simple wedding attended by immediate family and a few close friends. They knew that God wanted them to save their money for their mission ahead.
The couple entered seminary right after they graduated from college. Two years later, they graduated from seminary and were assigned to Damascus, Syria; an extremely dangerous place for Christians.
Their parents and friends were highly concerned about their safety and well being.
Unfortunately, their concerns soon became reality.
The couple made it to the port town of Jaffa, Israel. From there, they were taken to a home they would share with another couple in a small Christian sector of Damascus, Syria. The couple was picked up at a safe house just across the border of Israel by another missionary couple.
“You must be Alex and Kazzi Braun, we are so proud to have you join us for the Lord’s work. I am Jacob Lawson, and this is my wife Annie.”
They soon arrived at their new home. Their home consisted of 1.5 bathrooms, 2 tiny bedrooms, a small kitchen, and a family room.
The families got along very well with each other in that they knew they were doing the Lord’s work.
The first few weeks consisted of intense training on how they would serve the Lord through helping families find safe houses located in Damascus, and the nearby outskirts.
The 4th week, the Braun’s worked with the Lawson’s with assisting an older couple with finding a safe house where they could receive much needed spiritual and physical help. They did have access to water. However, they needed medical help ASAP.
“We are so thankful for your help. Every second of the day, we fear for our lives. My wife’s only sister, along with a group of fellow Christians, were murdered by the terrorist group ITRI,” lamented Hassiah Akaziah.
“My older brother was executed by them 3 months ago while he was trying to distribute New Testaments to an underground group of new Christians. I do feel at peace and know that he is with the Lord, and that one day we will reunite in Heaven,” spoke Hassiah in reverence.
“My brother in Christ, God sent my family and the Braun’s to help folks like your family to find safety from the terrorist that will use any means necessary to murder Christians like each of us.”
After introductions, the 5 held hands while Jacob prayed. “Dear Lord, our lives are in danger every day. Through you, we are safe. We love you Lord, and know you will always keep us safe.”
Moments later, a bomb exploded within 50 yards of the safe house that caused the 5 to seek shelter among some of the heavier furniture. Hassiah immediately fled the building through the back door. A loud pounding on the front door was followed by a terrorist kicking it down.
“You people are Christians, and I intend to take you to our leader, Hussein Hecazziah.” Each one knew then that their lives would soon end unless God provided a way out. They were led away by 3 armed terrorist.
Out of nowhere appeared Hassiah with 8 men who had recently became Christians. Each had pistols. The 8 men engaged the terrorist in a gun fight that lasted less than a minute. All 3 terrorist lay dead in the street, with no harm to the missionaries and Hassiah.
“Move fast towards the green truck about ahead. We must get on that truck, or we all will die soon in that there are many terrorist that heard the gunfire” yelled Hassiah.
With shots being fired at them, they made it to the truck, and quickly and reached safety. Each knew that the road ahead was dangerous, but each felt God’s peace and knew he would keep them safe.
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Loved the message at the end.
God bless~
My two cents of red ink, for what it's worth...
I might suggest choosing one of your characters, for this limited number of words, from whose perspective to tell the story. My attention was grabbed by the first line, but wandered as the next few paragraphs read like a biography, taking a while to get back to the suspenseful action. Perhaps you might have started the story as they met their partners in Israel, with very brief flashbacks woven in about Alex's and Kazzi's history.
Hope that made sense...
One other thing... Dialogue for each character is usually placed in separate paragraphs.
Keep those creative juices flowing!
How fortunate we are to live in a country where we can freely worship our Lord and Savior!
Keep up the good work and continue to remind us that freedom is not really free.
God Bless, my friend.
Keep writing!