The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
09/12/14
Awww...hahaha! I loved this adorable and sweet read.

God bless~
HAH! That was so cute! I LOVE your title!

I might suggest a teensy bit of red ink regarding commas. There were a few sentences where it felt as if the flow might work better with an added comma. For example: "Not receiving a response Jack grabbed the newly printed piece of paper...." To me, it seems easier to read if it were "Not receiving a response, Jack grabbed...." because it lets my brain take a breath.

That is only a minor thing, though, and it could be just my weird brain. I think your story was really cute and funny, especially the ending. I can so picture it happening in real life (I might or might not have an extremely competitive family)!

Thumbs up!
I enjoyed this particularly because I have two great grandchildren munchkins working on animal sounds. The story is done well and the title spot on. I think it might work even better without putting all the rules at the beginning.
09/15/14
Cute piece and creative with the topic. I tend to agree about the rules of the game. They tended to come across just a tad bland inserted at the outset of the piece. But maybe that's just me.

Yes, great title and good writing. Kudos.
So doggone cute!
At first I thought it was going to be a play script that I was going to be reading.

This family activity idea was very creative.

It was well written but it might have been good to have shown or told the method used by the winning team to do the teaching.
09/18/14
Congratuluations!
God bless~