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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Pros and Cons (08/14/14)

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• TITLE: Beyond The Crossroad | Previous Challenge Entry
  By Rachael Severa
  08/20/14
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Twenty years ago, when I heard my husband say, “Don’t come back,” devastated me. What seemed a mere decision on his part to go his own way encumbered the lives he promised to love and protect. In spite of the fact that he played our separation off as a misadventure, I knew that my own convictions would be tested. I may have been temporarily sunk, but I quickly learned how to duck, dive and swim.

My two boys were very young, and I was determined to figure things out. The realization that they too would grow up without a father, tormented me. Through my eyes, I became my mother and my children became me. Going to work daily would turn into weeping sessions: before, during and after my shift. My lowly spirit tested my determination to survive, which guided me into counseling. After one year, the ragged edges of my past started to smooth out. A resolve began to rear its head when I decided to make plans for school, to learn scripture, and practice good parenting.

Over several months of soul searching, I’d read articles and magazines, viewed television talk shows, and observed feminist groups on campus argue their belief that raising children without a male influence was “okay” for a child. Simply put, women purposely impregnating themselves to prove that they can have momentous careers, rear children without a hitch, and maintain gregarious social lives without scarring the child.

This might have been easier for some to do, but the purest part of me wanted to scream—“But why? Don’t you see what I go through?”

After a few years, I enrolled my boys into a local private school thinking it was the best thing for them. During months of fellowship with the married parents whose careers spanned from entrepreneurs, to lawyers and doctors, including local politicians. I’d discovered that my children didn’t always fit in—actually, neither did I. As nice as these parents were didn’t guarantee their acceptance of me—and since I didn’t fit into their self proclaimed environment or image, they invented one for me. In my case, they considered me as second class and unworthy of any respect for the lack of a husband.

I dreaded the daily juggling act just to keep up. On my most sickish of days, did not provide an excuse from taking my children to school or pick-them up. One time, I couldn’t help but see a doctor due to a fever. While running late, my daycare called me demanding that I leave the hospital because I was intruding on her time. My deepest apology failed to gain any sympathy, thus exposing my dependence upon others.

Financial issues became a burden all of their own. Most errands to be made included my children, and private time was limited, only if my day finished before the children finished theirs. Scheduling forced me to work days, limiting my income, and potential date partners were scarce. I’d often hear, “I want to see you … but!”

Did these women have it right when they glorified single parenting?

There is no substitute for what God designed as the family unit: Man plus woman raising children together. These women rationalized fatherhood as being inconsequential, that men are “unnecessary” concerning the welfare of a child. For them, raising children this way might have been a choice, but for me, it was seen as a disappointment.

I never knew the comfort of having a husband to help raise and protect my family. The worst of times encouraged me to fight for something better; and the best of times made me glad that I stuck it out. Yes, I endured much. I had the benefit of making my own decisions, controlled my own plans, and raised my children the way I saw fit. Could this have been a blessing or my misfortune? In Either case, it inspired me to seek something more righteous, to walk by faith, and to witness Gods love for me.

Since those years have come and gone, I’ve earned a college degree, married the man intended for me, watched my children graduate and attend college, discovered my passion to write, and have been lead to work in ministry and continue my education.

Disparaged? Or, could it have been a breakthrough to a happier future? There are pros and cons in most things, but I believe that my success came through the power to overcome.

Blessed be His name!

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