Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: 24 Hours (01/27/11)
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TITLE: Miracle of Taipei 101 | Previous Challenge Entry
By Brenda Rice
02/03/11 -
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“Ashlee, look up. What do you see?” Amelia Anderson, asked her daughter.
“Oh, mommy, that’s the biggest building I’ve ever seen. Can we go in?”
“That’s the Taipei 101. It’s one hundred and one floors with two observatories. We’re going all the way to the ninety-first floor, on an elevator that moves fifty feet per second. Doesn’t that sound exciting, Ashlee?”
“Wow, mommy! That’s fast isn’t it?”
“Come on baby, let’s go.”
Ashlee’s, six year old legs had difficulty keeping up as they hurried toward the blue-green glass tower rising above the bustling city. This was a trip of a lifetime for the young family. Ashlee’s Dad, Jacob was attending a pastor’s conference while his family toured the city.
Muhadan stepped off the bus directly in front of the tower. Clutching his chest, he checked a building map for the location of janitor’s room, on the sixtieth floor. With his hand still on his chest, he felt the clock ticking.
Ashlee and her Mother made their way through the busy lobby to the information desk. There they picked up a map of the building which showed where the observatories, and restaurants were located.
Muhadan waited near a large urn with a palm tree growing in it. His thoughts were of how his name would live in infamy. However, there was another thought plaguing him. His sister, only four years old; how could she understand what he had done?
Amelia found the elevators, but they were on the top floors. As the numbers descended, Ashlee’s anticipation grew. Suddenly, the large doors opened, and people exited. When the cabins were empty, they boarded the left one. Muhadan boarded the right one.
With a swish…the elevators raced upward. Muhadan exited on the sixtieth floor to find the janitor’s area. Amelia and Ashlee exited on the ninety-first floor. The observatory extended three hundred and sixty degrees around the building. The spectacular view mesmerized them. Time passed, but still Amelia and Ashlee stayed, identifying landmarks throughout the vast city.
After Muhadan found the room, he went up to the eighty-fifth floor where he hoped to find a quiet place to re-focus his thoughts.
Amelia and Ashlee finally re-boarded the elevator descending to the eight-fifth floor. They would have dinner before leaving the Taipei 101, to meet Jacob. The building closed at ten, so after dinner, they went directly to the elevators. Only one other person was waiting.
As the elevator descended, a jolt rocked the cabin. The three occupants leaned against the walls for balance. Another jolt, and then the elevator stopped, sending everyone to the floor.
Amelia grabbed Ashlee as the cabin settled in a slanted position. Muhadan had avoided eye contact; now he came face to face with the little girl, and her mother. He reacted by helping Amelia up, while steadying himself against the wall. Ashlee’s eyes told Muhadan how afraid she was. From his pocket, he took a penlight, and made designs on the ceiling to distract her. Soon, Ashlee was engrossed in a stranger’s craftiness.
Muhadan picked up the emergency phone; it was dead. Amelia tried her cell phone, no signal. “I hope you didn’t have big plans tonight, young man.”
Muhadan had been given twenty-four hours for his mission, now there was fourteen remaining. Carrying out his mission in an elevator with a mother and child shook him through and through.
“I’m sure they will get us going soon.” Amelia said, giving Ashlee a smile. “If my husband were here, he would pray. I hope that won’t offend you.”
Muhadan didn’t answer.
Accepting his silence as a consent, Amelia prayed. “Dear Heavenly Father, we ask for your intervention. What is meant for our harm, will work for our good, and for Your Glory. Release us from this machine quickly and safely. In Jesus Name, Amen.”
Instantly, the elevator leveled itself and descended. Within seconds, they were free. Mother and daughter went on their way.
Muhadan prayed, “God of that lady, free me from this ticking bomb, and I will serve you forever.”
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But when you use Mommy as a name, without an article or pronoun in front of it, make sure you capitalize it. Also year-old could have a hyphen in it, but that is more of personal choice. Last it was a tad confusing jumping between the two stories; perhaps if Muhaden's journey had been in italics until they joined in elevator it might have been easier to follow.
With that said, there are so many things_ right with this story. You created suspense, great characters and got a lot done in few words. Great job!