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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Ow! (01/07/10)
Mom gently kissed her four-year-old daughter's bandaged finger.

"Honey," she said, "you need to cry out, when you get hurt. That's how I will know that you are hurt and you need my help."

"Cry out?" Kim asked.

"Yes, not really cry, cry, if it is not a super hurt, but say ow or ouch or something. Okay."

"Okay Mummy," she said, examining her bandaged finger.

A few seconds after examining it, she pointed at it and said, "Ow Mummy, ow."

"Yes, sweetie, ow," Mom replied, smiling and grabbing her into her arms."

After releasing her from the hug, Mom said,

"How about some juice?"

"And cookies?" Kim asked.

"And cookies, come on," she said, resting her hand around her shoulder.

When Kim was seated in front of the TV with her juice and cookies, Mom continued with her daily chores. As she worked, from time to time she would grumble. She grumbled about her seven-year-old son's toys on the floor, she grumbled about the number of dishes in the sink, and she grumbled some more.

By the time Mom was in the bedroom folding clothes, Kim had fallen asleep in the chair. She had also begun cooking and the burning smell that was coming from the kitchen assailed her nosed.

"Oh no," she said, rushing out of the room.

On the stove, the curry chicken that was for dinner was burning.

"Why is this happening to me?" She said, as tears of frustration spilled out of her eyes and run down her cheeks, followed by quiet sounds.

That evening, as Mom and the rest of the family sat having dinner, Dad asked,

"And how was your day honey?"

"It was alright," she replied, looking down at her plate.

"Mummy was crying in the kitchen because she got hurt, did you say ow too, Mummy?" Kim asked, pulling her body into an upright position.

"You heard me?" Mom asked, surprised.

"I was sleeping, but then I woke up and I heard you crying, but, I went right back to sleep."

"Oh?" Mom said.

"Did you say ow too, Mummy?" She asked again.

"No, I didn't," she said, glancing over at her husband.

"You should say ow too, Mummy and everyone will know that you are super hurt." She stated, putting some food into her mouth.

"What's going on?" Dad asked, concerned.

"Well… I think it's time we discuss the house chores as a family." Mom said.
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Rachel Phelps
01/16/10
I like how you brought in the mom's workload as an "owie." Very perceptive. Always double check for formatting and punctuation issues. A couple little errors distracted from a sweet story.
Mildred Sheldon
01/17/10
What a sweet tender story. I could truly relate to the problems mothers face. Thank you for sharing.
Jan Ackerson
01/18/10
Children are so wise, aren't they?

Since this isn't really written from Kim's POV, I think it'd be more effective if Mom and Dad were given names.

I've started a class in the FaithWriters forums for Beginner and Intermediate writers. I'd love to see you there--look for "Jan's Writing Basics".

This is a precious story.
Julie Seeto
01/21/10
This is so true - sometimes we need to let others know we are hurting. Or we might suffer from burnout. Good story.