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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Write in the ROMANCE genre (04/19/07)
The silence was unbearable. A hint of a breeze kissed her tear-dampened cheeks. The swing creaked as she rose. Narrowly avoiding the tricycle on the porch, she made her way into the darkened house. She stopped briefly to check on Jason. He was sleeping, thumb between damp, rosy lips, his feet tangled in his little blue blanket. It was hard to believe that he’d be three tomorrow.

Slipping quietly from the room, she made her way down the hall to her bedroom. She changed into her nightgown and crawled into bed. Nighttime was the hardest time; the memories, hopes, fears, dreams all pressed on her then. She leaned back wearily against the pillows, fighting against the tears. “Lord, I don’t understand. He promised he would be back for Jason’s first birthday party. He was only supposed to be gone a week. What happened?” She stared into the dark silence for a long time. The tears dried on her cheeks as she fell asleep, hugging a pillow.

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He ran shaky fingers through his thinning brown hair, and then cradled his head in his hands. She’d probably given up on him by now. Had it really been two years? Tears dripped between his fingers, landing with wet plops on the dusty wood floor. Frustrated, he wiped his eyes with his sleeve and got up to pace the small room that had been his prison for the last two years.

It had been his misfortune to stumble onto his boss’s nefarious embezzlement scheme. His boss sent him away on a trip; he’d been kidnapped and brought here not long after he’d left town. After two weeks, hope of rescue died. He didn’t understand why no one was looking for him. Had his boss fabricated a story to explain the disappearance of one of his employees? Would Jenna wait for him?

If only he could find a way out of this place! He collapsed onto the rickety bed and stared up at the ceiling, feeling defeated. He’d tried so many times to escape, but to no avail. What made him think that THIS time he’d find a way to be successful? Rolling over, he buried his face in the thin cotton pillow, and began to pour out his agony to the Lord. Surely God could make SOME way for him to get home to his wife and little boy. He missed them dreadfully!

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“Jenna, honey, it’s been two years. You don’t honestly think he’s still alive, do you?” her mother queried. “Mr. Graham has been so kind to you and Jason; can’t you just give him a chance? He’s been so good to help out since Jared’s been gone. That’s not something most employers would do. He’s gone so far beyond what was required of him.”

“I just can’t, Mother. When I lay there at night, I see Jared’s face, his big beautiful brown eyes pleading with me to wait for him, to hold onto hope, to be faithful to the promise I made to him. Don’t you see, Mother? Love waits… love hopes… love endures… and one of these days, love will triumph! I just know it! Last night I prayed God would bring him home… I dreamed that Jared and I were sitting on the porch swing with Jason, watching the sun set. I have peace about it, Mother. I KNOW he’ll be home again someday!” And turning, Jenna left the room to find Jason.

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Jenna ambled behind Jason as he ran giggling up the path chasing a brilliant orange butterfly, dreaming of the times she and Jared had walked together on this same path, enjoying the spring evenings. She was jarred from her reverie by the sound of a collision. Jason, in his enthusiastic attempt to catch the butterfly, hadn’t watched where he was going and had nearly bowled the tall, thin, balding man over. She hurried over to them, intent on apologizing. “I am SO sorry… he wasn’t watching where he was going… are you alright?”

“Jenna…” She looked up and got lost in his big brown eyes. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she realized that love had triumphed! Jared was home!

As they walked arm-in-arm back down the path toward the house, Jared told Jenna about his capture, his confinement, his escape, and Mr. Graham’s subsequent arrest. They settled onto the porch swing, Jason cradled between them, to enjoy the sunset, with hearts full of contentment, thankfulness, joy and love. God was so good!
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This article has been read 1066 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Bryan Coomes
04/26/07
This was an emotionally stirring piece as I did catch a chill at the end. I thought you did a nice job setting the tone and building the tension but I found myself wondering how he managed to escape. One word change : “I dreamt that Jared and I were…” Overall a nice story with an uplifting ending.
Sheri Gordon
04/26/07
I enjoyed reading this. Seems like a good start to a novella -- diving into Mr. Graham's sleaziness, Jared's escape...

Nice job.
Kristi Sands
04/27/07
I like the idea of a novel too. There's lots of potential here!
LaNaye Perkins
04/27/07
Loved it! Loved it! Loved it! Great job of writing this story.
Angela M. Baker-Bridge
04/27/07
Not only well written, but the message is loud and clear!
Betty Overstreet
04/27/07
Now you have whet my curiosity-I want to hear the whole story. Will this become a novella or novel? Keep up the good work, Betty OVerstreet
Emily Ritter
04/27/07
I really enjoyed the way you painted your details here. At first I thought the story of the husband's capture was far fetched, but it didn't distract at all. My favorite part is the flash of orange from the butterfly.
Pam Carlson-Hetland
04/28/07
Good story. I liked how it was divided into parts and how they were brought together at the end. And a good message throughout of hope and enduring love.
Jacquelyn Horne
04/29/07
Emotional story. Not enough space here to tell it in full. It needs to be expanded. Good job.
Henry Clemmons
04/30/07
I enjoyed this. very descriptive.
Jan Ackerson
04/30/07
I definitely felt as if this was too much story for the word limit! I wanted to know more, so much more--which is a testament to how well you wrote it.
Myrna Noyes
05/01/07
Wow, what a story! Talk about faithful commitment and trust on Jenna's part! Great message and very interesting tale! :)
Rita Garcia
05/02/07
Great message, great detail and FANTASTIC WRITING!
Sara Harricharan
05/02/07
I'm glad you're going to expand this! The reader can easily connected with the characters, and the twist of Jared being the result of a good guy in the wrong place, was unexpected. I especially like it as a touch of mystery just makes it so much better! ^_^
Julie Arduini
05/03/07
The whole story was a fascinating, well written read but that beginning was so strong in description, just stellar. It was emotional and lovely. You are a solid writer, great work!