The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
A bit complicated and comfusing...but reached out and touched a fiber of my being...needs to be read more than once to get the drift.
This is like a rapid slide show--little pictures of life. I was confused by the rapidly shifting points of view (who is narrating this?), but the mood definitely shines through.
It looks like two births are occuring. The contractions of muscle like the pressure of sin pushing us thru canals of fluidity to a solid place we were meant to live. sounded good anyway.
Not sure where this is going, perhaps with a little expansion it might be clearer.