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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Personal Peace (06/01/06)
This week’s topic has been so difficult for me to write. It came as a surprise for me because I love to spin a story no matter what the topic (and that doesn’t mean it has to be good) but this week I had nothing. I couldn’t think of anything to do with personal peace.

I started to write so many things but none of them felt true. So I’ve put my story-telling pen down and picked up the journaling one. The one that exposes me. This is not my favourite mode of writing and never have I laid myself so bare in public but here goes…

I am struggling every day to access my personal peace. In my head I know the things I need to do in order to maintain personal peace… I know I need to die every day so that Christ can reign in me and I want that… desperately. So why is it so hard?

I have moments of peace during the day – not the fickle, worldly kind that comes from circumstance but the calm within the storm kind that comes from God – moments where despite how awful things are I connect with God in me and know I will make it through. I just can’t seem to sustain it.

Like a rebellious teenager I rise up wilfully when things don’t go my way, I lose my temper, I don’t allow the peace of God to snuff those things from my spirit so that I can claim to be an over-comer.

I have a 2½ year old, a 5 month old and a husband who works 12 hour days. I’m trying to write, keep the house clean and grow my kids (not in that order) and even though its hard (and don’t you dare say it isn’t!) I realise I have no excuses.

In my quiet times lately I have been going through James and Philippians. In the beginning of James he writes, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, when facing trails of many kinds…” Pure joy? That’s real peace and it only comes from one place. In Philippians 4, Paul writes that he has found the secret of being content in every circumstance (the secret to having personal peace), he says “I can do all things through him who gives me strength”.

So I have no excuses. I have Christ in me, therefore I am able to have peace – isn’t he the Prince of Peace after all? Having that peace will mean that I trust God implicitly, trust that what he says he will do and I know that that kind of faith pleases God. I am desperate to please God but most of the time I feel as though I am desperately failing…

But then God knows all that. God knows my failings and loves me in spite of them. Not just loves me, but adores me. He cannot use people who think they are succeeding all the time because they have no need for God – I do, I need god like the air I breathe because without him I am useless, nothing, empty. People like Moses and David and Paul were full of failures, but God could use them because they were desperate for Him.

I will fail because I am flesh but I have to stop trying to succeed and let God do the succeeding. Only then will I be able to find peace, because He is successful in all he does and I am one of his pet projects – he’s promised to work on me until I reach glorious completion. If I can just keep my eyes on that, I know I will have peace. A peace that passes all of my puny and limited understanding of who my God is.

What an awesome God we serve!
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Member Comments
Member
Date
dub W
06/09/06
Why are you in intermediate? This is pretty solid; a couple of grammar nit-picks but nothing a good proofing wouldn't help.
Michelle Burkhardt
06/09/06
I can relate to trying to write, raise little ones, and maintain the house with a hubby that is gone alot. Without the LOrd, we would be crazy....
Jan Ackerson
06/09/06
Very nice--I can see this as the opener for a women's Bible study.

Consder leaving off the first two paragraphs of introductory material, as this piece is much stronger without them. And it's a very good essay indeed!
Shari Armstrong 
06/09/06
This is great and I could relate to quite a bit of this. A few minor typos (forgot to capatalize He refering to God a couple times -EASY fix). This would be a great devotional.
Sharlyn Guthrie
06/14/06
I love your transparency here. You spoke to my heart...put words to many of my own feelings. Thank-you.
A. E. Cuthbert
06/15/06
So many people feel the same way as you. It seems as humans we want so much to earn our salvation. Its wonderful how you can express the depths of your heart through the written word.