The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
I really hate to do this, please remember, we are all here to help one another grow as writers.

So, this is what I think...your paragraphs could be split up more, quotes need to be placed around dialogue, watch your sentence structure and when someone new speaks it's a new paragraph.

Keep up the good work and may the Lord guide your pen.

Agree with comments re: grammar, punctuation, etc. But I do see a good message in here and I like the perspective of the story-telling.
I admire your strength to write about a situation that
our society would view as
extremely depressing. It is
difficult for me to write about circumstances like this
one, even though I have experienced them in life. Please continue to express your thoughts, and imagination on paper! The
rest with come with practice!
God Bless!