Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Inner Strength (04/20/06)
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TITLE: Shepard's Meadow | Previous Challenge Entry
By Teresa Hollums
04/25/06 -
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I was caught—I knew it. My foot had stepped into a deep crack. The depth of the crack in the jagged rocky terrain had sliced my leg as I had slid hopelessly into the crevasse. Around me the winds howled. The wind blinded my sight. The rain came in t pitting torrents denting my hair. I screamed with horror at what I had brought on myself by being totally unaware of my circumstances. The lightening cracked periodically in my ears.
“Sheppard, I cried in answer in my blinding pain and rage, why have you allowed this hurt and deep questioning? Where are you? You promised to always be with me. Where are you? I can’t go on. I can’t keep on trying to find my own way. I can’t keep on controlling everyone and everything around me. I am nothing. Just please let Death come. The fight surely must now be over. I am nothing. I am enveloped in my selfish and nearsighted vision. Don’t you care?” Doubts and death hang ominously over me and into the very fabric of my being.
Suddenly my mind reached in desperation out to actually give up. My heart stopped beating. “I am so infinitely weary. There is no where to turn. Yes, God, I submit to your will. Even my death if it is will. But I also want to say, that I also will from now on submit to your will and your answers to my every need in the light of others. You are God. You are my Savior—even into death and beyond.”
And in that acknowledgement, the storm suddenly vanished. My leg still hurt, but the rain and my twisting had actually let me loose.
Then, in the holy moment of my letting go, God found me. In his Sheppard’s arms he lifted me up. He held me close. “My precious, precious child, just turn loose of your hurt and your struggle and your wanting to order my world. I am your true Father. I always love you. Just trust me—just trust me.”
As I snuggled like a lost and hurting lamb in his arms, my world, even though still bitterly cold, did not matter. Only to be held and comforted by this amazing God mattered. I knew he would heal me and listen always to my cry when hurts would come. He chose to let me still struggle.
I must choose always to take my struggles to him and in prayer find that promised: “peace, my peace, I give unto you.” Ah, then my battlefield becomes the vibrant and green meadow.
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