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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Hunger (07/04/24)
Dear Diary,
It is known that physicality and emotion both have a unique suffering that gnaws at you when you ignore it. When you don’t feed yourself your stomach tightens into a knot painfully and numbs. When you don’t heal yourself… Your heart clenches and shrinks with a more personal, vulnerable pain. I know. I’ve written it down before. The pain: it’s lack. Lack of the healing you deny, lack of security, love, even perfection. I strive and hunger for these things, some of which I won’t get until the right time. Why can’t I have them now? I WANT THEM! I want them so badly it makes my heart sore. Starvation. That’s what I choose to provide myself, my heart. I deliberately turn from real rest to fake rest, from vulnerable healing to hidden misery, from a bittersweet feast to sickening famishment. If I would just do what I know is right, if I would turn from fear- but I can’t! I won’t. I’ve left out God, pushing Him away because of the fleshly nature of fear. He is the healing, rest, and bread, and I’m too afraid to show my emotion and run to the One who provides everlasting peace. I’m not trusting Him. Or anyone.
I know I should talk to someone. I know that acknowledging the facts in my head doesn’t always heal my heart, probably because I won’t truly believe it. Three years of anxiety and longing… and it keeps going. I prolong its end. Ugghh, why? I’m afraid. The thought of such openness to reveal myself makes me shudder. Maybe I will just hide in my hunger; but if I do that I’ll stay hurt, hungry.
I’m going to do it; I am! Talking to someone about how I feel is the only way I know how to feed myself. No doubt that feeding will really come from God. I suppose it’s like eating a peach. You have to bear through the fuzz to get to the deliciousness on the inside. Tears roll down my face as I write this. There’s no choice. I must. Dear God, help me.
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This article has been read 273 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Terry R A Eissfeldt 
07/11/24
Your raw honesty is refreshing.
one quick suggestion: spaces between paragraphs or even lines to make it easier to read.
Blessings
Phil Drabble
07/12/24
A very raw, honest and passionate article. I love the sentence structure veering wildly from fully length to one, two or three words and then back again. It provided the piece with the momentum of a rollercoaster ride propelling me forward through the diary entry wanting to ask questions and discover more.
Well done !
Philippa Geaney
07/18/24
Very fresh take on the topic.
I enjoyed the idea that self-reflection in a diary provides a safe place to examine one's feelings.
The author in your story is brave and your writing had me urging for the good.