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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Break (02/06/06)
Enough of This!

“Granting me the joy of your presence and the pleasures of living with you forever”
Psalm 16: 11 NLT

I had a need. With demands on my time and my resources, a refreshing break would restore the emotional drain. In my fast paced world of industrial sales, I hustle, hustle and hustle - always one step ahead of the competition. This action took a toll on me physically and emotionally. Crashing emotionally and physically last week, I screamed “Give me a break! Enough of this already!”

With a severe case of mental block, I turned off the computer and cried. “I quit. I can’t do this assignment. What do I know about taking a break?” The Lord had other plans.
Over and over again, “be still and know that I am God”, resounded in my spiritual ears.

Without money for a cruise or a visit to a spa, what was my solution to “take a break”? During one of my many business trips, I turned off the car radio. Hating the silence, I unloaded all my frustration and fatigue on the Lord. “Lord, I can’t continue like this! Help!” Now, ideas raced through my mind. The heaviness began to lift. I could not wait to get home to my computer. I realized that taking a break was experiencing the Lord’s presence. There I found joy and a pleasant experience.
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Member Comments
Member
Date
David Story
02/17/06
Another good reminder of the necessity of finding our rest in Him.
Good piece, thanks.
Shari Armstrong 
02/18/06
Short and to th2e point - a good reminder. This would make a good devotional.
Jan Ackerson
02/21/06
Patricia--This is a good devotional. Your last sentence is perhaps weak for a concluding sentence, where you want to "wow" your readers. "A pleasant experience" is perhaps vague--help your readers to experience it with you, rather than just telling us about it. And you might build up to your need for a break by helping your readers to experience your earlier frustration--not by telling us about it, but by showing us. Your writing skills are absolutely fine--now work on finding a "voice"--a way to make your work stand out from the rest.
Jan Ackerson
02/21/06
One more suggestion: begin with a "hook." The idea is to draw in your reader with the hope of reading something intriguing. "I had a need" may not have the punch to do the job.

I love the idea of God's word resounding in your spiritual ears. Very lovely.
Debbie OConnor
02/21/06
I agree with what Jan said. What you have here is a good start. I'd love to see you expand it. Take us through your frustrations--showing us the tension mounting.

The scripture you said resounded in your spiritual ears was perfect. Your message is great. God is our break!

Regarding being called and gifted to write--if you have the desire, I say you are. You just need to practice your craft, you will continually improve as you keep writing and getting feedback. This is a great place to do that. Welcome to FW! :)
Andre Kingston
02/21/06
Jan and Debbie are exactly right. I just want to add a possible ending line for you to consider. "There I found joy and peace." Or "Not only did I find joy and peace there, but I also found the energy and courage I needed to face (insert a challenge here)."

I do think that if you are going to start the article with "I have a need." The very next sentence better tell your reader what that need is. For example: "I have a need. I have to have this report done for work by 2pm. It is already 1pm and I still have to... as well." This sets the reader up to really connect with your stress and your frustrations.

I hope this helped.
Patricia Charlton
02/21/06
I agree with your comments. This is a learning experience. I have plans to expand this piece into an article. My greatest need, is mentoring.

Anita Neuman
02/21/06
Hi, Patricia! You've made a very good point here - which is an excellent start. Now it's all about honing (which really means practice, practic, practice). Keep asking questions - especially if you don't understand the advice you're given.