Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: TRIP (08/25/22)
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TITLE: The Precious Cargo | Previous Challenge Entry
By Bonnie Clarkson
08/30/22 -
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Max hoisted the last box into place while his wife stood behind him, shaking her head in disbelief.
"You were right." Penny looked at the boxes they finished loading into the back of their minivan. "They all fit. Now, will they stay put? Those stacks look like a game of Jenga with all those mismatched oil boxes, grocery boxes, and shoe boxes. You should've told the people to use the same size box."
"I was afraid no one would donate their used Bibles then."
A fifteen-year-old sedan pulled alongside the minivan. Out of the car, stepped a retirement age man in overalls and a farmer's tan.
"Am I too late?"
"Yes. These Bibles are already packed. We're taking them to a drop-off center that repairs and ships them overseas."
"My Bibles have been precious to me," said the old man. "I don't know when I'll be able to do something for missions besides donating money."
Max sighed deeply and examined the boxes in the van. "I'm sorry, but look inside here. There's no room."
Before he could say anything, Penny interrupted. "Can we re-pack the van?"
"Not hardly. The drop-off center closes at five." Max looked at his cell phone. "It's already one o'clock." He looked at a gap between the side wall of the van and the boxes. "How big are the Bibles?"
"Small," said the old man as he hurried to the passenger side of the car. He pulled three Bibles from the box: a four-inch by six-inch one and two travel size New Testament Bibles.
"Yeah," said Max as he pointed to the space. "We can fit them alongside here."
The old man drove away while Max and Penny started the three-hour journey.
Good weather, a tankful of gas, and cell phones meant an uneventful trip—until they heard KAPOW, then the thump, thump, thump of a blown-out tire.
Max pulled onto the shoulder of the road. "I think I can get at the spare." He opened the side door of the van where the full-size spare tire was propped against the back of his seat. He inched the tire from side to side to get it out without disturbing the uneven stacks of boxes. Afterward, the flat tire went in the same place.
"I thought I had allowed plenty of time. Penny, what time do you have?"
"It's two-thirty."
"We lost thirty minutes. Let's get going."
An hour later, Penny looked over her shoulder and said, "You missed Exit 31."
"I was watching traffic."
Max speeded up to find the next off ramp and get back on track.
On the outskirts of Tulsa, GPS said, "Turn left on Eucalyptus Street."
"What time is it?"
"Four-fifteen."
"There's no stoplight. There's too much traffic. It's taking too long," said Max.
Penny said, "You can't do anything. Just wait."
Max inched forward, then stepped hard on the gas pedal.
The van screeched and careened to the left, so Max jerked the steering wheel right and ended in a parking lot.
Even though the van stopped without rolling over, Max continued his firm grip on the steering wheel. Penny still grabbed the console and the door's arm rest. After a moment of collecting themselves, both looked back at the precious cargo. The boxes were packed so tight, little of the load had shifted.
"Thank you, God," Penny whispered as she closed her eyes and looked up.
Max closed his eyes and tilted his head way back. "You know what we forgot?" he said, turning toward Penny. "We never prayed for travel mercies."
Penny articulated the words. "Then we better do it now."
"Heavenly Father," Max said, "We praise you there wasn't an accident. Forgive us for not inviting You on this trip. We are asking now. We ask protection for us and the Bibles. Help us get to the drop-off center in time. In Jesus' name Amen."
The rest of the trip consisted of green lights, light traffic, and no detours. They arrived at the location five minutes before five o'clock.
"I guess," said Max, "God protected His Word again."
So mightily grew the word of God and prevailed. (Acts 19:20 KJV)
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to deliver this precious gifts.
You can also leave off some of the tag lines in that there are only two people throughout most of the story.
Show a bit more and tell a bit less to make the story sizzle. I enjoyed reading it very much.
The writing tips in the comment section are valuable and I've gleaned them for myself too. Onwards and upwards thanks to wonderful input from fellow writers.