The Official Writing Challenge
BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN
INSTRUCTIONS
how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level
ENTRIES
submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners
Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.


TRUST JESUS TODAY

  • Share
  • how it works
  • Submit
Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: HISTORY (03/10/22)
Early spring loveliness fills the air. Squirrels playfully chase each other up and down the big oak trees. I watch as one of them disappears into a hallow in the tree and emerges out shortly afterwards with a nut in his mouth. He bites the shell off and proceeds to chew on the kernel and enjoy his breakfast. Lucky guy, I think,doesn't have to cook. Tomorrow, being St.Patrick's day, I have to plan a menu and cook a meal. Each function has a specific menu, like turkey for Thanksgiving and so on. For St. Patrick's day it is corned beef and cabbage!

I wonder why we have to spend so much time and energy on food and decorations and fun and frolic so that we hardly remember the significance of the day itself. I have to confess that I don't know anything about St.Patrick. That is the reason why I started to go on the Internet and do a little research on the subject.

Patrick was born to rich and religious Irish parents. At the age of sixteen he was kidnapped by Irish raiders and sold as a slave, to a farmer. He became a shepherd taking care of sheep in the open countryside. For six years he lived a miserable life in a cave, hungry and cold. All the while his faith in his God and Good Shepherd increased. And then one day he felt God telling him to escape from his slavery. Patrick escaped and walked two hundred miles to freedom.

Patrick joined a seminary and studied for fifteen years. He was ordained a priest and sent to Ireland to encourage the few Christians there and to covert souls and establish a church. Patrick won souls by his kind and gentle behavior and his loving nature. And that's how he became the patron saint of Ireland. And that's why we celebrate his day.

I imagine that every occasion that we celebrate, has a message, and a challenge. If that's true then, St.Patrick's day should remind us of the The Great Commandment of Christ, Love the Lord, thy God, and love thy neighbor. I imagine that the squirrel on the oak tree has a message for us - don't eat the shell and cast off the kernel but cast off the shell and eat the kernel. In other words don't spend all your energy and time on the celebrations but consider the message and challenge of the purpose of these celebrations.
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be right now. CLICK HERE

JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.
This article has been read 279 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Arlene Baker
03/19/22
Very enjoyable read and truly appreciated the challenge at the end. Good work
Philippa Geaney
03/21/22
Fresh take on the topic of history. And I enjoyed knowing more about St Patrick.
Lovely combination.
Anne Warden 
03/21/22
Excellent topic: St. Patrick's Day. I wish more people knew about the man's amazing contribution to the advancement of Christianity in Ireland.

I'd like to see you do three things with your writing:
1) Tighten your story to be more concise. We speak with more words than we need and that can carry over into writing, if we're not careful.
For instance, "emerges out" can be just "emerges." EMERGE means 'come out.' You don't need the word "afterwards." "Chew on" can just be "chew."
Another thing we do is write too many "and(s)." Spice up your writing by varying your sentence structure. How about "chew the kernel, enjoying his breakfast."? How about "Lucky guy. Doesn't have to cook."? Leave out the word "being." When talking about a holiday, all portions of its title are capitalized, including "Day."
Another thing we do is use too many "that(s)." Most can be eliminated. Take a few of them out and see if your story doesn't flow a little better.

2) Separate your story into more paragraphs. You have five paragraphs which are all the same length. That can cause the reader to look at the page and think, "Boring page means boring story." You might lose your reader right there.
Every time your topic switches, go to a new paragraph. For instance, the first paragraph needs to be two, starting with "Tomorrow."
If you would like more writing coaching, feel free to message me or any of the other longtime writers. When I received coaching, it helped me see the ways to be a better writer and move toward creating "can't put it down" stories.
You are off to a great start with this well researched story. Keep moving forward and you'll achieve your goals.
God bless you.
Anne Warden 
03/21/22
3) Engage your reader by talking "with" him and her, not "at" them. For instance, instead of "I wonder why we have" how about "Why do we have"? And instead of "I imagine every" (final paragraph), how about "Don't you image every"?
Marlene Custer 
03/23/22
Following the previous comments would make this a much better story. Interesting content. A couple of spelling errors—hallow and covert. I think you meant hollow and convert.