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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: GENTLE (10/21/21)
My Father's Arms

My tears have dried to salty tracks on my cheeks and the tremors of grief have emptied my body
of any strength. Fear has prompted me to rehearse desperate scenarios until I can no longer imagine a hopeful ending to this horrible circumstance.

Here, beyond the place where my mind engages in the battle, where the tears are spent, there is an
emptiness that allows relief from words and frantic plans and sobs of pain. Reality and disbelief are
suspended and my body demands attention. Is this how people die of grief? Do the mind and body refuse to carry the weight and just stop in surrender? Even moving off of my tear soaked pillow seems impossible. I lie very still, breathe as deeply as possible and focus on this place, discovered only when I reach the end of me.

Vulnerable defines this place. To return to the battle requires strength I do not have and a will I cannot
ignite. Here I resign my effort without excuse, there is no need to explain that I can no longer control
my brokenness. I cannot find resolve with only my human will. Empty darkness witnesses the last heaves of weeping and stillness absorbs my pain.

'Not my will, but thine be done,' comes from this deep nothingness, a message not spoken or sprung from memory, but the cry of a soul aware of the total inadequacy of self. This emptiness allows a space I cannot fill. Left completely helpless by my weakness in the presence of the worst that has come to pass I am still.

Gently, gently what must be my soul senses what can only be Him. Warm, cradled, I begin to sense Light. I become His helpless child, curled into the arms of tender safety, refuge. I feel His joy as He cradles me, His child who sees her need of Him. Here beyond the power of words, circumstance and time I know, at last, the Comforter.

After this taste of the eternal, I rise to wash my face. Thought has not yet returned in the form of words and for another moment the respite from this fateful day continues. Blessed calm remains as I recognize I have been changed. I know my grief has not resolved, the worst has happened and my life will never return to that moment before the loss. The depth of the pain again takes my breath away. But as my lungs empty my soul fills with a breath that is sustainable, a calm that is possible only after desperation has taken my imagined self sufficiency away.

Fear and sorrow taunt but as I entertain the fresh memory of gentle Comfort I now know there is a place at the very end of me where Peace will always wait.
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This article has been read 754 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Amy Swift
10/29/21
Awesome. I feel every word. Thank you.
Terry R A Eissfeldt 
11/04/21
Congratulations!
Art Fahy 
11/05/21
Congratulations on first place.
This is an excellent piece of writing.
I felt as if I traveled with you on this journey.
Laura Manley
11/07/21
First of all, CONGRATULATIONS on your first-place win. This piece caused me to reflect on the deaths of my early father, and mother many years ago, and my sister, just three years ago. The initial grief I felt was unbelievable in all three cases, but I remember explicitly the emotion I had as I walked into my mother's rest home room after being called by the rest home that she had passed. The wails that were produced deep within my souls were phenomenal. You brought it all back, and that isn't a bad thing when you think of how intense you were in this piece. This was excellent writing. I will ask this... did you purposely write the paragraphs where it seemed you wanted it to read more like prose in several of the first ones. But, there is definitely a reason why you placed First in this category. This was an extremely moving entry. Thank you! God bless!
Laura Manley
11/07/21
"earthly" father, as if you didn't get that! Sorry!
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
11/08/21
This is a powerful piece. You did an outstanding job of painting a picture of the grief and pain. You put feelings I've had into words and delivered a powerful message. Congratulations on your overall first place. Happy Dance!