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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: SPARKLE (08/19/21)
A Sparkle of Hope

She looked at the old wedding dress in the attic. It was her grandmother’s dress and her mother had passed it down to her. The dress was dazzling for one made during its time. The dress had sparkling diamond shaped jewels on its bodice. It was a beautiful dress. However, Mary wondered if she would ever get to wear it. She had been single for five years now. She still had not met her Mr. Right. She was actively practicing celibacy. She desired to wait until marriage to be physically involved with a man. Her friend, Carrie, had invited her to a Christian barbeque they were having at her church. Carrie assured her she would have a good time; if she came. Carrie also invited her male friend, Dan, to the barbeque. Carrie had told Mary that she would love for Mary to meet Dan. Dan was single, and he too was having a hard time finding a suitable Christian mate.

Dan believed and practiced celibacy as well. Mary was nervous about going to the barbeque. This was just like a blind date to her. She didn’t know much about Dan except that he was single and celibate. Mary contemplated all of this as she held her grandmother’s beautiful wedding dress against her body while looking into an old body length mirror in the attic. As she put the dress back into the box, she began to cry out to God. “God please let me find someone just like my parents and grandparents. I am so lonely at times; even though I know I will always have you as my husband. Lord, I want a family one day with at least two kids, hopefully a boy and a girl. Please Lord, answer my prayer.”

After praying, Mary leaves the attic. She goes downstairs to her bedroom to take a warm bath before getting ready to go to the barbeque. She picks out a beautiful light pink dress to wear with her light pink heels. She looked stunning as usual. At the barbeque, Carrie introduces Mary to Dan. “Dan I would like you to meet one of my closest friends, Mary Lucas,” said Carrie. “Hi, Mary, I am Dan Stanton. It is so nice to meet you.” “It is nice to meet you, too, Dan,” said Mary. “Carrie has told me a lot about you Mary,” said Dan.

Dan and Mary hit it off at the barbeque. They talked about everything from family to politics. The two had a good clean time at the church barbeque. Before leaving the barbeque, Mary and Dan exchanged numbers. They called one another everyday and ended up going out on several dates. After seven months of dating, Dan proposed to Mary. He knew she was the one for him. Mary said yes, of course. The two got married the following June. Mary got to wear her grandmother’s sparkling wedding dress and her mother’s white pearls down the aisle. The dress sparkled even more on the day of her wedding. She took wedding photographs in her sparkling gown. It was a day she would always remember; the day she married her best friend and loving companion, Dan.
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This article has been read 351 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Philippa Geaney
08/26/21
This story is sweet and uplifting and great message. A few thoughts that I think would have taken it to another level is that I'd liked you to have 'shown' me things rather than 'tell' me.
For example- It was her G'mother's dress etc. Perhaps saying 'she fingered the sparkling diamonds on the bodice, imagining her beloved Grandmother on her wedding day. Mother had kept the dress so carefully'.
Watch your tenses. They seemed changed from past to present a few times. I think you've got every chance of many wonderful stories
Avigail David
08/28/21
This is so beautiful made-in-Heaven love and marriage story.

May the LORD bless their union all their days of happiness, peace and grace.

Thank you!
C D Swanson 
08/28/21
Awwww, I absolutely loved this whole story.

Beautiful and uplifting.

Blessings~
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
08/31/21
This is a sweet romantic story. It made me smile several times. Be careful of POV shifts. How would she know Dan believed in celibacy? Instead if you show the reader this through dialog, body language, and thoughts, it will be a better experience for the reader who will grow with the characters. Be careful about switching tenses too. You started in past, past perfect, and then switch to present, then back to past and you jump to the future without a good transition. Tenses can be tricky for sure, but again if you work on showing not telling that might help that issue too. FW offers a free book for Gold and Platinum members but you have to ask for it. If you're a paying member, I'd urge you to ask for the book, "How to Bring Your Writing to Life." It is a great resource and helped me immensely. You have a great foundation. You're definitely on topic and have a powerful message in this sweet story.
Laura Manley
09/01/21
What a sweet, romantic story. I loved your take on the word challenge of the week. I notice you jumped from one tense to another which needs to be addressed; however, it did not take away from my enjoyment of this well-crafted entry. Blessings!