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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: SHIFT (05/27/21)
Aimee awoke that morning with a deep sense of peace and happiness. She was spending a wonderful vacation with her daughter and her family in Florida. The merry laughter of the children, the love of her daughter Cindy,and the kindness of her son -in - law, Ron was a refreshing change to her lonely heart. That day she had a few hours to herself, as Ron had gone to worki, and Cindy had taken the children for their swimming class. Aimee ate her lunch on the porch, admiring the emerald green humming bird fluttering around the honey - suckle blossoms, the squirrels scampering up and down the oak tree and the incessant tapping of the woodpecker on a dry branch. As the Florida heat started to bother her, Aimee went inside to the living room.


She walked around appreciating Cindy's artistic display of curios and pictures. A beautiful vase on the shelf caught her attention. It was pure white with intricate designs painted in cobalt blue and silver. Aimee wanted to take a closer look. The shelf was a little high for her and drawing a chair, she climbed up. The chair was wobbly and in order to steady herself, Aimee grabbed the shelf and unwittingly shifted the vase causing it to fall and crash to pieces on the floor. Shocked with dismay, Aimee sat on the chair while as her heart raced. After a while, still in a daze, she unsteadily walked to the rocking chair in her room. Anxiety and fear whipped her thoughts into a frenzy.


'What if? ' was the big question. Will Cindy be angry? Will Ron be very upset? Was the vase very costly? Maybe a Ming Dynasty antique? Could it be Ron's favorite? Thoughts of the consequences devastated her mind . She wondered if she could shift the blame onto someone or something else. The cat maybe or even a gust of wind? Psalm 32 came to her mind . She remembered King David and how he had maneuvered to shift the blame of his sin with Bathsheba. Covering up only doubles the original sin. David learned it the hard way. The best way was to acknowledge and repent. That's what David did in Psalm 32.


And so Aimee prayed, " O God, I acknowledge my sin. I did break the vase. My iniquity I have not hid. Thou art my hiding place. Thou shalt preserve me from trouble. Thou shalt compose me with songs of deliverance ." ( Ps. 32 : 5-7) As she prayed she heard the excited voices of the children returning home. She heard Cindy's footsteps as she entered the living room. She heard the footsteps stop and Cindy gasp.


'Oh, dear ', said Aimee as the tears began to flow. She buried her head in her palms and began to sob, ' I am so sorry I broke the vase'. Cindy ran to her mother and hugged her.
' Are you okay Mom? Are you hurt ? Don't worry about the vase. I bought it at a thrift store. It is only an imitation and Ron hates it. It's you I am worried about. I love you Mom.'


Aimee smiled through her tears. Her heart rejoiced in the Lord. She had been forgiven. The Lord had blessed her with songs of deliverance. There is no joy that can surpass the ecstasy of a forgiven sinner.
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This article has been read 261 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Laura Manley
06/04/21
I enjoyed your story from start to finish. You are very descriptive. You might consider a punctuation/grammar tool in that I notice there are several errors in the punctuation. I think if you go back and read your entry again, you will notice them. If you have questions about what I am talking about, just PM me. Other than that, I enjoyed this short, but sweet, entry.
Stephen Kimball
06/05/21
I’m not sure that accidentally breaking a vase is a sin, but that being said, I think you did a nice job with the topic this week. Agree with the other critique, errors in punctuation can be a distraction.
Bea Edwards 
06/08/21
I really enjoyed your descriptive entry.

I too would suggest an editing tool to catch punctuation and grammar errors.

Also reading your entry back to yourself several times will help catch errors.

Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
06/09/21
You do a great job of showcasing internal conflict. I can so relate. The beginning was a bit slow for me. You had some details that weren't needed, but you also did more telling than showing. The ending was much better. I felt like I could connect with the MC and thought the ending was really sweet.