The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
06/06/21
This entry was very interesting from beginning to end. It reminds me of someone sitting with a friend, telling that friend of his/her experience in finding this job.. There are a couple areas where you need to put a space in between paragraphs.
06/07/21
We loved the Creation Museum and Ark Encounter, but live too far away to work there. I hope you are still enjoying it.
You did a nice job of pulling me in with the conflict. I thought you did a nice job of keeping me in suspense too. I bet you'd be surprised if you counted how many times you used the word job. Try to tighten sentences to lessen that and use other words. One tiny thing (I only mention it because it's one of my pet peeves ;) is you said I forgot that her and her brother... It should be she. If you take out her brother you wouldn't say I forgot that her wouldn't be... Overall, I think you did a nice job of writing on what I thought was a tough topic. You have a great message too.
06/10/21
Congratulations! What a wonderful story of your newest adventure-- a new job that you enjoy very much. Indeed, a new shift in your life. I'm very happy for you. Thank you.