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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: RECORD (04/22/21)
"We all are just 1 heartbeat away from Eternity."
My grandmother used to do some end of life nursing when she was young, and she told me a story of a very mean & evil man who had lived his life being Super Macho, self centered and cruel to others. She was nursing over him the last hours of his life, when she said she could hear that "Death Rattle" in his breathing as he was choking & drowning on his own blood. She began wiping the blood from his mouth & clear his airway & to tell him about Jesus the Savior of the world and his savior too. He looked at her and said, "I have lived my life My Way, & I don't give a damn about your Jesus" then spit up a large flow of blood and died.
She said this shook her to her soul for many years after that, for she told me, "There are some, that will never be saved no matter what you say or do. They have hardened their hearts against God, they have SEALED their own fate, and will bust the gates of Hell wide open. If you ever do any work for God, you need to know this. BUT, let this lesson make you even more serious about witnessing to others, "For everyone is only 1 heartbeat away from Eternity."
That lesson has stuck with me all my life. So if you wonder sometimes why I might sound AGRESSIVE/SEROIUS for Jesus, now you know. For if there is just 1 out of them all that I can lead to the Cross, or BACK to the cross, it was worth all their cursing's, and vile treatment of me. For of a truth, We are All just 1 heartbeat away from Eternity.
.... His servant.
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Laura Manley
04/29/21
Yes, the Great Commission is the main reason we Christians are here. If you don't have a grammar/punctuation tool that you use in proofing your work, I would suggest that you look into one. Example: You have no spaces between paragraphs which is distracting. In the sentence where you say "wiping the blood from his mouth & clear his airway... since you used "wiping, you should continue in that tense and use "clearing." I would suggest that rather than using the & sign, you spell out the word "and." I have been taught that if you read your entry out loud, or have someone read it out loud in your presence, it gives you a clearer picture of what might need to be corrected. I think what you had to say was profound; it just needs tweaking to become what I'm sure you want it to be.
Bea Edwards 
04/29/21
Wow, thinking about your grandmother's experience - the moment of the poor man's obvious rejection of Jesus and passing into hell, is sobering to say the least.

It was a good example of the difficulties sometimes encountered while sharing the Good News. A rejection at the last second would be heartrending and actually traumatizing for me.

We are the very hands and feet of God, and as His ambassador's I agree that we must press past the rejection and continue to plant seeds.

Excellent content, however I'm lost at the tie in to the topic. It would be helpful to use a grammar tool, some of your punctuation and (&) use of a character rather than the word may not be appropriate. But I'm not an expert.

There are some writing classes available on the site in the forums under Writing lessons with Jan and Ann.


Linda Lawrence 
04/29/21
Your grandmother's story is powerful and you made appropriate use of it. However, if you want to be published you need to spell your thoughts out differently from the way we might write in a journal. What you have to say is valuable and worth the extra effort to express it in a publishable format.
Sue Botte 
04/30/21
Thank you for sharing this nugget from your grandmother; she sure is/was wise indeed.

Some good advice from the ladies.

Keep writing.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
05/03/21
I can feel your passion in your words. You had quite a few words left to expand on your message. I like your grandmother's quote and it is a good lesson, although a hard one for the patient and your grandmother. Perhaps when retelling her story, you could do more showing and less telling with dialog, body language, and thoughts. It would be interesting to see how you reacted to that story the first time you heard it and ways you've used it in your own life. Because not every reader will know you, the line about being aggressive or serious about God doesn't necessarily speak to your audience. Perhaps show an example when someone accused you of being aggressive. You have a great foundation here. Don't forget to start a new paragraph with each new speaker or action. Double spacing between paragraphs makes e-articles easier to read. Before hitting submit, hit preview so you can see the way your article will look to others. Keep writing and also read and comment on as many challenge articles as you can. By reading and providing constructive feedback on others, you will learn even more about your own writing and what you like and what works for you. I'm so sorry you've had people curse and treat you in a vile manner, but like you said, if you lead even one person to Jesus, it's worth it. Keep writing, don't get discouraged, I believe the Holy Spirit has great plans for you.