Benefits of Brokeness | Previous Challenge Entry

how it works

TITLE: Benefits of Brokeness | Previous Challenge Entry
By TerryLee Tulipane
07/16/20
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I discovered how much my heart and spirit would bend when my body no longer could. God took the strengths, I once had, to lead me to my knees – figuratively speaking. In less than thirty days, He took everything I had placed surety in. Then, over the next two years, lovingly brought me to a bowing of my heart I would have never ceded to before – physically.
I had finally earned my master’s degree! As a “just-over-the-hill “adult, it was necessary to work full-time while I completed school. Work and classes had to co-exist to ensure a more secure future. A rewarding position working with autistic children was already in place, with an almost six-figure salary attached. My last four classes over the previous seven months had been exceptionally grueling. I convinced myself the long study hours and stress was the source of the relentless pain in my left hip and back. It would vanish once school was over.
“Your left hip socket is fractured.” The orthopedic nurse said softly. My friend sitting beside me glanced in my direction. She continued, “Both hip joints are bone-on-bone, there’s no cushion left. You need hip replacement as soon as possible.” I felt myself all-to-willing descending into the soothing abyss of denial. Fractured? The word ricocheted in my head. How and when did this happen? I gripped the pen in my hand to quell the shaking and focused harder on the paperwork in my lap.
The nurse handed me the x-ray and quietly left the room. My friend, an RN, leaned over and skillfully traced her finger around both hip joints on the photo. She pointed out the white areas, where there should have been a dark demarcation line indicating cartilage. There on the left side, as stated, was an undeniable jagged break in the socket.
“God never gives us more than we can bear.” my friend whispered, leaning closer for support.I shook the photo in my hand at her, “Then someone needs to show Him this!” I barked. My life was spiraling out of control. I had recently lost an eight-year job due to cutbacks. Now, with the instability of my hip, I knew I had no hope of meeting the rigorous physical demands of working with small children in the new position. The future I’d looked forward to for the last ten years was gone. I was in free fall with nothing to grab hold of – and where was God?
Almost two years later now; I know exactly where He was. Waiting for me to fall so He could catch me. During morning prayer time, with tears in my eyes, I look affectionately toward my walker nearby. It’s been the perfect vehicle for the hardest journey of my life – the path to the foot of the cross. I had been a Christian since my teen years. I was saved but had never met the Christ that is the abundant life recorded in John 14:27. I had never met Him because I had never surrendered to Him. I had never grasped the significance of John 15:4 - “Abide in me . . .”
Christ said, “I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice and open the door . . .” (Rev. 3:20 KJV). Thinking it’s a doorway outside ourselves, we vainly struggle to open a door we’ve locked – from our side. The exciting news is, we have the precise passwords to unlock the door to the abundant life He desperately wants to share.
Two simple words, yet probably the hardest for us to say, “I surrender”, are the only passwords we need. In John 15:4, 5, Christ says, “Abide” four times. He repeated it because the Christian life is not meant to be lived through our power and effort. Abiding allows His strength to live it through us.
We don’t understand what abide means, but “I surrender” opens the door to everything we need to grasp the concept. Two words that bend our hearts for better hearing. “I surrender” opens the door to let Christ come in and explain it to us.
The hip replacement surgery is weeks away. If it’s His will, I will walk again, unfettered. My walker will gather dust in storage. Yet, will always be a reminder of the time when I was unable to stand up straight or reach my toes, I learned to kneel perfectly.

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