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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Start (01/16/06)
"Hey, Hon, you comin' or not?"

"I don't know, Jack. I've got this feeling...."

"For goodness' sake, gal, we do this twice a day. And it's not like we've got a choice."

"I don't know if we should go up right now."

"Gotta drink. Gotta wash. Come on, let's get this trip done. I've got chores when we get back."

"Maybe we could fetch water down at the Smith's just this once...."

"I had a little run-in with the Missus a few days back."

"Not again!"

"She's a fussy old something. Seems the goat got into her flower bed."

"I hope you apologized."

"Yeah, yeah. Promised to keep Sal fenced. Said it would never happen again. Promised to buy her a new azalea plant.... Come on. Let's go!" Jill rocked from one leg to the other. "What's gotten into you, gal?"

"That hill's slippery in this muddy weather. You never did build in the steps you promised."

"Oh, I'll get to it."

"You talked about digging us a well near the house."

"Nothing like that spring water up yonder." Jill pondered whether this was another excuse.

"Lifting's getting kind of hard on me, you know. You'll be doing the trips yourself once the baby comes."

"It's not like it's due tomorrow."

"We'll need more water then. Soaking diapers, boiling bottles."

"Jill, I'm starting to lose my cool. We can talk about the baby another time."

"Always another time. 'We'll talk about the baby another time.' 'I'll build the steps another time.' Jack, when are you going to start thinking about me? About us?"

"So put well digging on my 'to do' list! I'm heading up. Here's your bucket."

"Oh, all right, Jack. I'm coming."
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Marilyn Schnepp 
01/23/06
A great Mystery story! What was the premonition? What happened? Did they get back safely? When will HE start? I guess I need to read it again to see if I'm missing something. But very well written- enticing the reader to continue on with their read. That is a talent, and you did it well...but left me in the dark. (smile)
Alexandra Wilkin
01/25/06
It took me a moment to twig but...'Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water/Jack fell down and broke his crown/And Jill came tumbling after'. This very good - a great idea, written so well. Well done, and God bless.
Jan Ackerson
01/26/06
I think this was great! You didn't need to finish it; the nursery rhyme is familiar enough that your readers know "the rest of the story." This is clever, creative, and well-written.
Beth Muehlhausen
02/10/06
Okay Linda, I'm reading this on various levels....wanting to know your own intention. First, there's the cute bantering between Jack and Jill, which is - whimsical. Perky, fun, communication. But is Jill's premonition simply that Jack's going to be "out to lunch" as far as involvement when the baby comes? Or their own relationship is suffering from tension and about to take a turn for the worse? ("How about US?") Or when the baby comes she's in for...(fill in the blank?)...and perhaps a lonely hike to the well and back?? Is Jack clueless or just preoccupied? Is Jill feeling misunderstood and taken for granted? Inquiring minds want to know. :-)

Beth Muehlhausen
02/10/06
Wait....Jill's about to have the baby. That's gotta be it. :-)
Beth Muehlhausen
02/10/06
NO NO! Jack's going to fall down and break his crown, and Jill's going to come tumbling after!!!!! THERE! I think I got it!!!!

(Sorry for all the posts.....I'm a bit slow.)