Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: ALL TALK, NO ACTION (01/10/19)
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TITLE: Changes | Previous Challenge Entry
By brenda gans
01/15/19 -
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“Give me your money.” The gruffness of his voice had no affect on Maddy. She was used to being challenged.
Her hand slipped into her back pocket, pulling out the knife resting there. It was open and in front of her in a blink of an eye. He didn't even see it coming toward him before she stabbed him in the side.
His eyes widened as he felt the blood flow from his side. “I don't mess around. I'm no talk and all action.”
He sat, then laid down, on the cold dirt, her blonde hair, shocking blue eyes and harsh laugh as she walked away, forever burned into his brain.
Jaxson Foxx was the hottest up and coming MMA fighter. No longer the hardened criminal who stole to provide for himself, a stint in jail turned his life around . The only reminder of his old life was the jagged scar on his side where a little spitfire had stabbed him. His days were spent working out, his evenings walking around the area where the stabbing occurred. Always hoping to run into Spitfire, as he called her. Tonight was no different. With little hope of finding her, ever, he kept trying. Her life must've been worse than his, and he prayed she found the same peace he had.
Tonight was his lucky night as he spotted someone standing outside Mercer's Market where he'd been stabbed. He could tell by the shape it was a woman. He knew the spot where she stood intimately. It was were he had laid with his lifeblood seeping out until the EMT's arrived. Slowly, so he didn't spook her, he walked over. “Are you the one who called?”
She knew that voice. There was no mistaking the gruffness of it. Slowly she turned, expecting to find her would be thief. In his place stood a man she recognized. “Jaxson Foxx?”
“Yes. You know me?”
“I follow MMA. I know who you are.”
“Are you the one who called the police a few years ago after a stabbing here?”
It was him. She would bet her life on it. Maybe she was. “Actually, I felt guilty after I stabbed him so, yes, I called 911.”
“Thank you.”
“Why?”
“You saved my life that night. If you hadn't called I would have bled to death.”
“You're the thief.” She accused, her eyes changing from friendly to icy in seconds.
He nodded. “I paid for it. I spent two weeks in the hospital and then another year in jail. But you did me a favor. I turned my life around in there.”
“I've heard.”
“I've looked for you since I got out.”
“To pay me back?” her voice as cold as her eyes.
“No, to thank you. You not only saved my life but I got straight with God because of you.”
Her eyes widened. She had known he was a Christian, he was vocal about it. But it was because of her?
“How?”
“If you hadn't called 911, I never would have gone to jail. In jail, I was forced to face what I had become. A friend showed me how to ask for forgiveness. Now, I finally have a chance to ask you for forgiveness. I'm sorry.”
She was at a loss for words, something that very rarely happened to Madison Parker. Words were her life now. “Apology accepted.” was all she could get out.
“Why?”
“Why do I forgive you? How callous and cold would I have to be to not extend to you the same grace God gave me that night?”
“You're a christian?”
She nodded. “Since that night. I walked into a church after what I had done. I was devastated, not knowing if you were alive or dead. I had never hurt someone like that before. The pastor was still there, and he talked me into calling 911 first. Then we spent hours taking. He showed me what I needed to do, and I gave my life over to Jesus that night.”
“May I give you a hug?” He asked.
“Only if you feed me first.” She joked.
“Of course.” He took her arm and they walked to the nearest diner for a bite to eat.
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Very well done!
Stepping back when she didn't crumble, he didn't even see the knife she'd whipped out until she was stabbing it into his side.
That's just a quick example to show you what I mean. You've a great start on showing and not telling. The more you write, the easier it will be to stay in just the MC's head. I think you did a nice job of showing the topic. Your message is a clear, strong Christian message. The story flows nicely. I enjoyed it and look forward to reading more of your stories.
Loved this!
God bless~