Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: STORM (10/05/17)
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TITLE: The Tempest | Previous Challenge Entry
By Jay Dalton
10/11/17 -
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Margery wanted her husband to be responsible, to love her and be a decent father.
"Is there something wrong with ME? How come he doesn't get it?"
As she pulled into the driveway, Ralph opened the front door. They made eye contact. She put the car in reverse and backed out of the driveway. Her two daughters clung to his legs. They were crying as they watched their mother drive away. She knew he lied to them, again.
She went to the mall and seated herself with a cup of latte. She lingered in a daze, occasionally dabbing a tissue to the corner of her eye to absorb tears. Her eyes were swollen, and her face was flushed red. She was obviously upset.
A good looking man sat at a table near her. He was preoccupied with a muffin and a cup of coffee. He was not turned in her direction. He was not intrusive. He happened to turn his head and their eyes met. There was that moment of first contact.
"Is he going to hit on me?" she instantly questioned.
"It's going to be all right," the stranger said gently, gazing into her pain-filled eyes.
His demeanor strongly evoked the memory of her deceased, loving father. He turned slightly toward her, and she noticed his wedding band.
"Is he safe?" she instantly questioned.
"We all go through stuff, but life has a way of bringing out the best of us if we know where to look," he said sympathetically.
"I have no idea where to look," she said in exasperation. "My marriage is a wreck!"
Tears glistened on her cheeks. She pulled back and choked back her emotions.
"I really don't know you, and this is a really private matter."
"I can see you are troubled. Maybe we could talk. Don't have to talk if you don't want to. Don't mean to be a busybody either. I'm Mike, and my wife has granted me mercy and told me to wait here while she tries on clothes. I hate it when she puts something on new and asks 'How do I look?' What am I supposed to say? 'Horizontal stripes make you look fat!' If I compliment her she just says, 'Liar!' It's a no win."
She chuckled, and he stood with his coffee and muffin in hand. She gestured for him to sit.
"Mike..Mike, my name is Margery," she stammered.
She decided to trust him.
"My husband is a compulsive gambler, and he drinks heavily."
"I'm sorry to hear that. Does he beat you?"
"No, but he is very abusive to me and my two daughters. He lies to them and leads them on, plays the good cop - bad cope scenario and I am ALWAYS the bad cop. The house is in foreclosure. When I stopped at the market, I left a load of groceries. I checked the balance in my account on my phone, and I couldn't believe it! There was less than $15.00. That's it! Savings, 401k..ALL GONE! Mike between the two of us we make over 200K a year! Gone!"
"Hi, honey. Who is your new friend?"
"Margery, this is my wife, Grace."
Grace seated herself next to Margery and greeted her warmly. As she gazed at Margery, she recognized her pain. She patted her hand for a moment. Margery realized she was a very loving person and could be a real friend. They chatted.
"Honey, I think Margery could use a little space...would you mind?"
Grace nodded knowingly.
"Yes, oh yes, come and join us for dinner and meet my daughters. I have five of them."
"Five? Five?" said Margery
"I promise it won't be dull," chuckled Grace.
Margery went with Mike and Grace and met their family. This gave Margery resolve.
The next day, Margery called her mother and begged for cash to make arrangements.
When Ralph got home, his suitcases were on the porch waiting for him.
"How can you do this? I love you!" Ralph shouted through the door.
"I changed the locks, closed our bank accounts and cancelled the credit cards. I'm done."
"You DIVORCING ME?" he shrieked.
"No, NEVER! We will get together AFTER you have demonstrated your ability to be responsible."
"How am I going to do that?" he bellowed.
"Look, Ralph. The storm of your life is not going to be the storm in my life. Figure it out...It's called 'tough love.'"
Margery never opened the door.
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I liked the righteousness in the line towards the end. It said, "No Never".
Sometimes it has more impact if you leave something to the reader's imagination and do not spell out everything.
For example, your MC had been crying, her eyes were swollen and her face flushed. You don't have to state that she was obviously upset. The man's wife was warm and friendly, saw her pain and reached out and touched her. That alone makes her a loving person who could be a true friend.
Nice interpretation of the topic. An abusive marriage is certainly a storm.