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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: BUG (04/06/17)
MY ENCOUNTER WITH A PHANTOM

Bernard, a ruthless boy, hailing from a rival clan in my village endlessly mocked me as a poor debater who would never defeat him in a school debate competition. The annual debates were always organized between houses. The two arch rival finalists that emerged that year turned out to be Baker and Stanley Houses, represented by me and Bernard respectively.

Each debater was given twenty minutes for the topic for the first round and five minutes for the second round to respond and conclude the debate. If a bell rang, the speaker had to conclude in one minute or sentence. Failure to comply would attract a heavy penalty.

All seemed to be going quite well for humorous Bernard, judging from his past performance and the cheers he was receiving from the audience.
When my turn, finally, came, I strategically, decided to join all my remaining salient points on the topic with ‘‘and…and… and…’’, for several minutes. I was unstoppable because I was within the set rules of debate. The results were, simply, electrifying!

Immediately I finished, the entire audience was galvanized into an inexplicable frenzy of joy. They stood up, clapped and the ululations went on for several minutes.

My housemates, led by the housemaster and captain bolted to the stage to congratulate and embrace me.When, finally, order returned to the house, the adjudicators, announced the results. Baker House was declared winner.

As we left the stage, heroically brandishing the trophy, to join the audience, Bernard turned to me, gnashing his teeth, and emphatically said:

“You have cheated me, I will kill you tonight”.

At that moment, my housemates came, lifted and carried me to the house for more celebrations until late.

Lost in the euphoria of victory, I forgot that I had to walk to my home, alone, a whole kilometer away, as all my village-mates had already left.Between the school and our home, there is a valley with a stream and a forest. Fortunately, there was partial moonlight.

Suddenly, I saw a human figure. I stopped. “Run!'', another thought commanded me. But I had already stopped. My legs could not move. It was as if they had been fixed into the ground or had been severed from my body.From my legs to my head, there seemed to be a dialogue going on like this:

‘That must be Bernard or his agent’, saw the eyes.

‘Yes, I heard him threaten after the debate’, concurred the ears.

‘Bernard has plotted all this danger for you tonight!’

Greater fear enveloped me from my cranium to toes. I felt a strong urge to go to toilet. But where could I go and how?

Involuntarily, I raised my right hand. ‘Bernard’ also moved his right hand. When I lowered it and raised the left hand, he did the same. I tried my legs to move and they responded. ‘Bernard’, too, moved in the same direction.

I marathoned home. If this had been another competition, I would have defeated Bernard twice that day. Reaching home, panting like a hunting dog, I found my family and friends waiting for me to celebrate my victory.

Before I received salvation, I suffered a lot from blind competitive spirit, like Bernard and there was this indescribable void and fear that dominated my entire life, thereby denying me the joys of life. Phil. 4:6; Matt. 6:25. But after salvation, the chemistry of the gifts [1 Cor. 12:1-11] and fruit [Gal. 5:22] of the Holy Spirit have mystically balanced out my life. I have since forgiven Bernard and he, too, has forgiven me.

[Largely] NON-FICTION with some Creative Elements of Fiction.
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This article has been read 607 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Betty Overstreet
04/14/17
Very captivating. You had me on the edge of my seat, wondering what would happen.

I expected an explanation that
it was your own shadow, however, I never saw one.
Larry Whittington
04/19/17
The title of your piece gives me the thought that as you were raising your hands you were seeing your shadow. It was in this area of your piece that the story fizzled for me. Running home was OK but was your shadow also running?

I liked your story but I lost myself at the end.
Phillip Cimei
04/19/17
I enjoyed your story telling. You had some good moments of suspense, but it was disjointed.

I'm not sure if you hit the topic. And it needed some goal that was followed through with closure. It seemed like you left the readers wondering about what the phantom was.

I wasn't sure if your hook was about winning the debate, or some other aspect of the story. Hope this helps.

You had some real good points in the story that kept the interest going. Keep writing. God bless
Bonnie Bowden 
04/27/17
I found the story intriguing, but I thought you lost some points for topic. Was it that the shadow was bugging you?

I also thought you needed a more defined transition between the debate and the walk home.

You have talent, so keep writing.