Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: RESOLUTION (01/07/16)
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TITLE: The Pain of Silence | Previous Challenge Entry
By Laine Kammeraad
01/13/16 -
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I wasn’t like the rest of the kids in my second grade class. I couldn’t speak like they did. My classmates laughed and teased me. They called me names like “stupid or retard.” I was so sad I would run into the bathroom and cry until my tummy hurt. When I raised my hand to answer a question my teacher would get impatient and tell me to “slow down, don’t talk so fast or say I was doing it for attention.” One day she sent me home with a note. I was terrified. I didn’t know what I had done wrong. I didn’t know I had a stutter.
A few days later I was on a bus to another school across town. Mom said there was someone who would help me talk better. I had to say goodbye to my only friend Judy. Ironically, I was teased as relentlessly as I had been before. I finally stopped talking to everyone except my speech teacher. I never raised my hand in class. After school I went straight to my bedroom and only came out for dinner. I withdrew like a turtle into their shell and my parents were worried about me. Mom finally reached a point where she was more concerned about my withdrawing than my stuttering and sent me back to my first school.
Stuttering didn’t become my shadow again until 25 years later and then gripped my life like a boa constrictor. Every morning I woke wondering if I would be able to talk. I was a police officer and talking was part of my job. I now had to find creative ways to hide my stutter. At restaurants I would order what I could say – not what I wanted. I started going by my middle name because it was easier for me to say than my first. In a fraction of a second I could tell if I was going to stutter and quickly thought of another word instead. I became a walking thesaurus. I hid it from my everyone.
The breaking point came at an advanced police officer’s training seminar. The instructor asked each of us to introduce ourselves. The butterflies in my stomach were wearing spiked combat boots. All of a sudden all eyes were on me. It felt like my vocal chords froze. Rather than risk stuttering I introduced myself by spelling out my name letter by letter. Those officers must have thought I was nuts but at least I didn’t stutter. I was plagued with shame and guilt. I left law enforcement due to a back injury so it was easy to stop talking for another year. I was stuck but knew that needed to change.
I went back to college and one of my classes was Child Psychology and Development. Part of my grade was based on giving either an oral presentation or written report. I chose to write a report about children with a stutter but deep down felt like a coward. I desperately wanted to give an oral report but was terrified. And then one day a fellow student stood in front of the class and began giving her speech on children and stuttering. It took every ounce of strength I had to listen. She gave the class information based on old wives and her misinformation was a guiding light for me. I knew the only one who could change that was me.
I begged my teacher to allow me to give an oral presentation. She must have seen the desperation in my eyes and agreed. As I walked out of the classroom I felt as if I was soaring above the clouds. It didn’t matter I had to have my speech ready the next day. I had a mission.
As I stood in front of the class and began sharing my story as a child with a stutter I choked back my tears. The room was silent. All eyes were on me. After my presentation I was given a standing ovation and they asked so many questions. My teacher said that she will never look at anyone who has a stutter in the same way again.
I felt like I was soaring on eagle’s wings when I walked out of class. What I realized is avoidance doesn’t solve the problem. Stuttering isn’t who I am. My stutter is like my shadow. It may follow me but it doesn’t have to be my enemy.
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Stuttering can be a detriment to so many who experience it, but thank God, like the MC-- (and this story sounds authentic in tone my heart and admiration go out to you)-become resolved and overcome it, while becoming even stronger in the process.
God bless you and thank you for sharing this heartfelt story of trials and triumphs!
Exccellent!!!
I felt your pain and victory. I feel you have a lot of potential and can't wait to read more.