Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Salt and Pepper (07/24/14)
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TITLE: Seasoned Answer | Previous Challenge Entry
By Terry Atchison
07/27/14 -
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“Well, little buddy, let’s get this table cleaned off for your grandma, then we can have a little talk on the back porch while I drink my tea. Is that okay with you?”
“Sure Gramps. May I have some ice cream while you drink your tea?” Big smile, missing teeth, Adrien knew the answer was yes even before he asked the question.
He loved being at his grand-parent’s house on Sundays. Grandma’s food was always tasty and Gramps always had good stories to tell or some kind of project to keep him occupied. Their house in the country was much different than the apartment he lived in with his mother in town. Adrien’s mother worked most weekends, so he spent quite a few Sundays with his grandparents.
“Here is a bowl of banana ice cream for the ‘big guy’, and a hot tea for the ‘kid of the house’.” Sue smiled as she gave a wink to her husband. “Here ‘kid’. Don’t burn yourself.” “I will join you two after I tidy up the kitchen.” She paused, looking at the trees and fields. This was another beautiful August summer day spent with her two favorite men. “We are so blessed.”
A breeze cooled Adrien and his grandpa as they enjoyed their tea and ice cream in the shade on the back porch.
“So, how are our lives better with Jesus in it? You are right, little buddy. It is nice to know that Jesus watches over us when we sleep. But He also takes care of everything else in our lives. There is nothing we can do or say that is not His concern. Through Him, our lives take on new meanings and our satisfactions grow the more that we grow spiritually.”
“Okay. But what does that mean?” Adrien had that quizzical look on his face again.
“Well, let me think. You like to eat a good steak and baked potato, right?”
“Yeah, Gramps.”
“Now, imagine that you would have to eat them without any salt or pepper. Would that taste good?”
“Not really.”
“So, we agree that the steak and potato tastes better with salt and pepper. Now imagine that you are the steak and potato and Jesus is the salt and pepper. He makes you better by complimenting who you already are. Do you understand now?”
“Oh yeah. I get it. We are the same, but different in a better way.”
“Ha! Ha! Couldn’t have said it any better myself buddy. But there is more to it. What about all the other vegetables?” Gramps was grinning at Adrien.
“What about them? What do you mean, grandpa?”
“I mean, corn, tomatoes, cucumbers, beans, and all the other good foods. Would you like to eat them without salt and pepper?”
“No, I guess not. Why?”
“So we season the other foods too with salt and pepper so that they too will taste better. Now just think of your friends and family, and other people in the world as those foods. If we share Jesus with them, then they too will have their lives changed for the better. Have you got it now, Adrien?”
“I think I do Gramps. Man! I’m going to tell Mom to stock up on the salt and pepper. I’ve got a lot of shakin’ to do!”
“Salt is good, but if it loses its saltiness, how can you make it salty again? Have salt in yourselves, and be at peace with each other.” Mark 9:50 NIV
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Good message and well done.
God bless~
Well Written. More words describing the characters or the scene would have only detracted from the message.
If you like telling your message through character conversation, continue using that and develop its intensity.
A heartwarming story and good dialogue.
God bless.
I did struggle with a couple of tiny things. The first was you seemed to have too many little details that didn't move the story forward like washing the table, the cool breeze, and some of Grandma's dialog. In a longer piece, you'd be able to sprinkle those details slowly and it wouldn't weigh down the main message. Don't get me wrong, you did a great job of painting a picture for me and I enjoyed the view, but was eager to understand the resolution of the conflict.
The other thing could just depend on the kid, but of the 9 year olds I know, most would have no clue about seasoning food. The way you may have been able to make this feel more believable for me (and this is just my opinion, I could be totally off base) would be to show him cooking with Grandma and either show him being a natural cook by saying "This needs more salt." Another way would be to have Grandma teach him.
The last thing is little, and I didn't realize the difference myself until a FW told me that the complimented that you used should have been complemented with an e not an i.
Your dialog reminds me of a loving relationship and made me smile. It felt real and natural and didn't feel forced. I did like your opening line because it introduced the conflict right off, but like I said earlier, I'd have enjoyed exploring that more right away. You did a seamless job of connecting the story together, using nice transitions. The best part of the story is the message. You explained it in simple terms, yet still made it interesting. With a bit of tweaking, I could definitely see this in a kids' magazine. Though it may feel like I was critical, I want to stress that overall you did a great job and I see amazing potential in this piece. You have an obvious natural talent and your passion for Jesus shines through.