Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: The Deep End (03/06/14)
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TITLE: We are as leaves magnificent | Previous Challenge Entry
By
03/08/14 -
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ADD TO MY FAVORITES
Watching people pass me by.
I get to thinking we are as leaves,
floating and dancing in the wind,
each one of us unique.
When we are young,
we cleave tightly onto the only tree we know..
Youthful, fresh,vibrant & green we are.
As the seasons of life change, so do we,
many shades, shapes and colours..
We each rightfully earn every one of our characteristic lines,
each line miraculously folding into the next.
Then,
when we are perfectly beautiful..
We sofly fall...gracefully...
to be scattered amidst the grassblades of life.
Each one of our souls finding our own place within the grass..
only to be blown into all other directions,
unto where only the wind may take us..
on to a journey of undiscovered patches of greenery.
The grass in which we find ourselves upon..
sometimes withered, sometimes lush...
more often green,
but on occasion brown in patches.
And then, suddenly one day ..
when we are contented but weary,
when we have been blown in all inconceivable directions..
when we are without the yearning for the wind to take us any longer..
we fade... lead into another journey.
Slowly we are transcending into another more radiant form of being...
a metamorphasis of our former selves we become.
For we are as leaves.. magnificent.
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For me, I did get distracted with little things like the ellipses. I am in the school where less is better. If you do use them, however, remember they are only three dots. (No more, no less, unless it is completing a sentence, not having it trail off, then it would be three dots and a period.)Also, I think you meant led not lead.
Those are little things though and didn't affect the emotional impact too much. I think it was creative, although it reminded me a bit of the book, The Fall of Freddie the Leaf, it was different enough that I only thought of the book on grief but for a moment. The topic this week is a difficult one in my opinion, but I could see you connecting to it in a couple of ways. One of my favorites was the mental image of a huge, deep pile of leaves at the base of the tree and the MC being thrust in the deep end of the pile. Surrounded at first, by friends and family, but as it sank deeper, it felt afraid and alone. What an intense metaphor of life... Then the last word--magnificent. That says just how Jesus sees us. I really enjoyed the journey you took me on with your delightful words.
When I read Shann's reminder (which is thoughtful and invaluable) I began to wonder where the deep end came into it and I suppose if anything lowers your rating that may be it. Anyway it is simply beautiful writing.
I don't remember being compared to one before.
The length of the stanzas were different but it didn't seem to interfere with the reading.
I kind of liked it.
You may want to develop this as your style.