The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 691 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Thanks for the memory! A beautiful segue to Heaven. I enjoyed this . . .
I enjoyed this devotion. I like how you related a real life situation like the TV shows to set the reader up for your message. It really helps the reader relate to you, even if they aren't old enough to remember that show, another TV program will come to mind and the reader will understand.

A tiny bit of red ink for you would be to go back and look how many times you used the word exotic. Often, when I see that I wondered if the author may have worried that the piece was off topic, but you can nail the topic without ever mentioning the word or only mentioning it once. For example, take this line: Shows like this portray exotic beaches, with all types of exotic surroundings, even exotic foods.
It still would be strong and on topic if you did something like this: Shows like this portray gorgeous beaches with all types of interesting surroundings,and even mysterious foods. You also had some tiny errors with punctuation that a proofreader or challenge buddy might be able to help you spot. If you find another author with whom you connect, don't hesitate to send her a PM asking if she would like to be a challenge buddy. If the person says no, then ask someone else. You have a gift and not only would a buddy help you catch typos, but I have no doubt that you would be able to help your buddy perfect her piece as well.

Your message is beautiful. Though, a lot of people have written about Heaven being the quintessential exotic paradise, you approached it in a fresh way by describing the TV show. I thought it was an original take. I also liked that you gave a chapter for the readers to look up and explore more on their own. Those are key parts of a great devotion and you handled them masterfully.
08/20/13
Not your typical devotion in that you approached and tackled the subject matter in a unique way. Excellent job with this.

God bless~
08/22/13
I do remember Fantasy Island and I like the way you used the show
to lead into your devotional.

As others have said, you used a new approach and it works.

Thanks for sharing.