Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: PICNIC - deadline 7-12-12 @ 9:59 AM NY Time (07/05/12)
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TITLE: Peanuts and Caramel | Previous Challenge Entry
By Llewelyn Stevenson
07/07/12 -
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Who invited...
The ants;
Oh,
And the flies,
And those pesky magpies?
Who invited the neighbourhood dogs?
They eat like hogs,
Make bad smelling logs,
And they bark and fight.
Oh...
I see you’re here.
Are you having fun
Fighting ants off your bun,
Sitting in the hot sun?
It’s quite a feat:
Keeping the dog from your meat,
But...
We’ll play in a while
And you can strut your style.
A three legged race,
You do it with such grace.
An egg and a spoon,
Oops...
I spoke too soon.
Whew,
That went down to the wire,
Come and sit by the fire,
And sing songs...
Till we catch our breath.
Now the day is all spent,
And it’s time that we went.
Just give us a tick
While we burn this last stick.
...Home at last!
The day went so fast.
I’m so tired and so worn
I’ll sleep soundly till morn.
Hope we do it again some day.
Have a picnic.
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The only suggestion is purely personal and others may not agree but I think the ending would have been stronger if you had ended earlier. I don't think you needed the last two lines.
However, all and all you did a splendid job. You nailed the topic and made me smile. The rhyme and rhythm was delightful and you made it look easy.