Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Weary (05/03/12)
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TITLE: Brenda's Awakening | Previous Challenge Entry
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05/09/12 -
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Brenda was at a crossroads with her illness. She was desperate to find a solution and tired of always being in pain. That is when she thought about getting help from a physical therapist. After all, her doctor suggested that Brian Campbell was a wonderful therapist and had helped many in their desire to lessen their arthritis pain. Desperation was showing in her face and in her body. To many, she looked forlorn, tired and just plain old.
She made an appointment with Brian Campbell and within days she began physical therapy treatments. After about two weeks of treatments she began to feel some relief. During the third week of treatments something unusual happened. The third week of therapy treatments was more intense and she noticed at night that she had little pain—especially when doing housework or working outside in her garden.
Unfortunately, during her physical therapy treatments, she began to have more pain in her back. The therapist was at a loss of why she was having pain but he could see from her face and by examining her back, she was in more pain. He suggested that her doctor examine her and give some thought to surgery. After all, he said, “Brenda, there is only so much I and medications can do for you. Surgery may be the only real answer.”
As she left that day after her talk with Brian, her old enemy “depression” had returned and it was not a comforting feeling at all. She entered her car, closed the door and with a heavy heart, she cried. At 66, she felt like 80 and didn’t see any reasons to go on. She was tired of the pain and tired of trying and not getting anywhere.
That night, as she was cleaning up in the kitchen, she remembered something her pastor said in church several days ago. “Many of us suffer from pain everyday. But, let’s never forget that Jesus suffered the worst pain of all—going to the cross and suffering for people like you and I and sensing that His Father had left him. When we suffer from pain, always remember that Jesus died for you and wants you to be free of pain and to be happy.”
It didn’t happen overnight but in about a week she was feeling much better. She couldn’t explain the change; she just knew that things were going to get better for her. There was still pain but she felt more confident that she could handle to pain. Just knowing that Christ died in terrible pain for her and that he wants her and everyone who believes in Him to be free of pain and to feel good and loved, that made everything—even her pain-- more worthwhile. She was no longer weary. She was loved and comforted by The Comforter Himself, Jesus Christ.
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The conclusion was powerful in the realization of what Christ went through, thereby allowing her to "heal."
Great job with this. Well-written entry.
God bless,
Camille~
You did a nice job telling us this story.
Go back and check out the number of times you said the word pain. I think you'll be surprised. One way to help with that is to do more showing and less telling. For example, take this sentence -- She was desperate to find a solution and tired of always being in pain.
A way to show instead of tell is to write something like this. Brenda winced as she squirmed in the waiting room chair of yet another doctor. Bowing her head, she prayed that God would help the doctors find a solution.
It is more words, but it paints a picture for the reader and tells the reader she is in pain and searching for a solution.
Your story was spot on the topic. You definitely showed how weary the MC was and a chronic illness can be draining. The ending was great. I really liked how the solution didn't come all at once and she learned how to lessen the pain with the strength of Jesus by her side. I also liked picturing the agony Jesus endured for me. Often when I'm too done in to answer God's calling, I will flash on the cross and realize what he went through for me. This story came at a perfect time for me. Today has been a particularly bad day for me and I've been close to despair. Thank you for reminding me to not give up on myself because Jesus hasn't given up on me and never will. God bless.