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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Don’t Look Back (04/19/12)
Oh no,that will not happen to me. I know I can make it. I know I can do the work. I know the marriage will work, and my life will work out. Notice the I's in my life even as a Christian, I prayed but the I's. I put myself first and not God first. As I put myself first many bad things happened in my life. The enemy got into my life in such a way that he almost destroyed me.

This was not my choice, but as a child I was physically abused by a relative many times. I did not tell anyone about this so everything grew huge in my mind. I developed eating disorders and suicidal thoughts and became very fearful because of the abuse and because I did not tell anyone about it. I lived for love and acceptance of both men and women, so my life was tossed to and fro. I prayed but did not live for God; I just let my life happen to me.

Prayer and bible study became very important to me and I prayed a lot but I did not always listen or I listened only for a short time. Fear would set in and the memories would come back.. Most of my fears have been realized. I am so very thankful for God's grace in my life for all my fears have not been realized.

God has told me to put my hand to the plow and don't look back. (Luke 9:62) To forgive those that have used and abused me is the only way to do this. (Mark 11:25) This will release you to be free and not to become angry. Forgiveness is a beautiful thing a very freeing experience.

Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead. Press on toward the goal in Christ Jesus. (Phil. 3:13,14) Don't look back at the torment, the mistakes, and the pain look ahead to Christ Jesus. To plow means to cultivate, dig, till, and break soil. To put our hand to the plow and not look back can cultivate our lives, which is painful, but this will always bring us closer to Jesus.

Jesus wants to heal our memories of past abuse and torment. He can and will heal us if we make the choice daily to go forward and not to look back, to be alive in Christ and not deceived by the enemy. I am sill here and that is an amazing thing. God is good and His mercies endure forever. Let God heal your memories, it is not easy and He is still working on me, but He is always faithful.
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Member Comments
Member
Date
C D Swanson 
04/28/12
Thank you for this beautiful and touching testimony. God is good all the time, all the time God is good. And, I felt your heart and soul in this piece.

God Bless you~
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
05/01/12
This is a touching devotion. I chuckled to myself when you mentioned how many times you used the word I because I was thinking the same thing. It was a crafty way to illustrate your message. I too have suffered in the past and need to take care that I don't let my past overwhelm me or worse overcome me. How wonderful to know Jesus holds us up when we can't stand not even one more second. If this is based on a true story and suspect it is, you have a lot of courage for using your life lessons with others. Many would want to hide the past, but you are brave enough to put it out there so others will understand and not feel so alone. Nicely done.