Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Much Ado about Nothing (not about the play) (07/28/11)
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TITLE: What's All The Fuss | Previous Challenge Entry
By Mildred Sheldon
08/03/11 -
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Momma had her own way of putting things, and now looking back all those many years ago my heart fills with such love and respect for her. She never finished school, because back then if needs arose the older children put God and family first. Not like today. My Grandma Pearl got pneumonia and died so Momma quit school, and filled in helping Grandpa raise her brothers and sisters. I don’t think some college kids of today could hold a candle to my Momma’s intelligence.
I have 4 sisters and 3 brothers in my family. Momma always made sure our shoes were polished, and our white shirts were starched and ironed, and my sisters dresses were as perfect as they could be. According to Momma we looked like cherubs when we went to church.
Boy, I remember this one particular Sunday like it was yesterday. Boys, will definitely be boys, and the four of us were outside trying not to get into any trouble when Billy, Joe and Andy started picking on each other. I was the oldest, and it was my job to keep my younger brothers out of trouble. Well, before I could separate them the fight broke out and all four of us were rolling around on the ground in our best Sunday go to meeting clothes when momma stepped out on the porch and hollered at the top of her lungs. “What’s all the fuss?” Yep! The whole world stood still that day as four boys stopped everything and looked at momma standing on the porch with her hands on her hips, and a look on her face that told us we were in for a good comeuppance.
The four of us was prepared to receive the worst when all of a sudden momma just started laughing and nearly fell off the porch. She doubled over holding her stomach and just about busted from laughter. After a bit she straightened up, gave each of us a towel, told us to take off our clothes, and take a quick dip in the pond to get the dirt off our bodies. We put on our regular everyday clothes and went to church.
Everybody knew something had happened, because we were not wearing our Sunday best that Sunday, and it wasn’t until years later we found out why Momma didn’t spank us.
After we’d grown up, and had children of our own did Momma tell us why we didn’t receive our due comeuppance that fateful Sunday. We would gather at Momma and Papa’s house every Sunday for supper with all our children. Momma looked around the table at each of us with a twinkle in her eye, and proceeded to tell us the reason for not giving us our comeuppance for getting into a fight and ruining our Sunday go to meeting clothes.
She said the looks on our faces, our quivering lips, our grubby dirty hands stuffed in our pockets all standing at attention and those pitiful big brown eyes with tears in them fearing the worse was just about the funniest sight she had ever seen, so she just had to laugh. Dirt and all she said we still looked like cherubs with fallen wings.
God has blessed me richly with two of the finest parents on this green earth as well as 7 younger brothers and sisters. Momma and Papa are in their 90’s and live within walking distance from my house. My wife and I love living close to Momma and Papa so we can help them if they need it. Momma still hollers at all the grandchildren and great grandchildren from the porch every once in awhile. “What’s all the fuss.” My wife and I bend over with peals of laughter when she does cause I think back to that Sunday so very long ago.
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The way give a reason for her change of attitude until many uyears later is also effective.
I did notice that you use comeuppance quite a number of times in the early part of the story. Suggest you find an alternative for a few of them. Other than that, a most enjoyable read.
You do repeat some phrases that if you watch that will give you more words to make your characters come to life. Example: The paragraph that starts with - After we’d grown up, and had children of our own did Momma -is repetitive. Also remember to be consistent when capitalizing Momma when you use it as a name.
This is such a beautiful tribute. It reminded me of my mom. I really enjoyed this story and know as a mother myself you sometimes can't help but laugh at your kids. Nice job.