Step Away | Previous Challenge Entry

how it works

TITLE: Step Away | Previous Challenge Entry
By Clay Drysdale
08/07/05
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Come on, Billy, keep it together, now. In all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. If I have to tell myself this 100 times over and over to calm my nerves, I will.

It's been hard, really hard. Ever since Sandy left me, these constant struggles to keep my sanity have worn on me. These terrible, awful thoughts swirling through my head won’t stop. "She's never coming back. She never loved you. Why would she love you anyway? You've never amounted to anything, and never will."

I know it's my fault that she left. I never should have seen Cathy. But come on, it was just once, and all we did was just have dinner together. I knew at the time it was wrong and that Sandy would get upset if she ever found out. I also knew deep down that God wouldn't approve. But, in my stupidity I agreed to meet her anyway. Now I'm paying the price. I may have lost the woman I love…

I’m so glad Pastor Williams taught me how to take a mental vacation, a retreat, several times a day to concentrate on these promises of scripture. Maybe this will keep me from falling apart. I thank God that he showed me how to remove myself from those invading thoughts and focus on God's word.

“What difference does it make what you do, anyway? You’re still a loser. You’ve thrown your life away. The best thing for you to do would be to go away forever where you won’t be able to ruin anybody else’s life.”

No, I’ve got to step away from it. I will not let those thoughts dominate me. God loves me so much that He sent His one and only Son so that I could believe in Him and not perish, but have eternal life. That’s the truth – not that other stuff. I can handle this. I am not anxious about anything because I can do everything who Christ who gives me strength.

Oh, I wish she were here right now. I’d tell her how sorry I am that all this happened. I’d tell her that she is the most important person in the world to me and that no one here on earth could ever take her place.

We had so many dreams together. My business is just starting to take off. She was going to go back to school to finish her degree now that Sarah is in school. Now it may all be over. I only hope that God is working for our good in this situation. This is something only He can work out. I can’t seem to do anything about it. She won’t even return my phone calls.

Maybe I can drift off to sleep and put an end to this day. The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul…

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